Tuesday, October 26, 2021 • R.I.P. Edition • That smell was here before we went in.

In Light of Ultimate Spider-Man Cancellation, Bleeding Cool to Start a Blues Band

Written by Jude Terror on Sunday, December 29 2013 and posted in News with Benefits

In Light of Ultimate Spider-Man Cancellation, Bleeding Cool to Start a Blues Band

Head honcho Rich Johnston will put his expert horn tooting skills on display for music fans everywhere.

Source: Bleeding Cool

Following a shocking announcement from Marvel Comics writer "The Great One" Brian Bendis that his long running Ultimate Spider-Man series is "done," popular comic book rumor website Bleeding Cool has also announced that it is throwing in the towel, leaving the glamorous world of comics journalism behind to become a Chicago style blues band with Rich Johnston on lead saxophone. The rumormonger has long been considered the world's premiere saxophone player due to his proficiency at tooting his own horn at every possible opportunity.

The shocking announcement from Bleeding Cool came following a report on the Tumblr activity of Bendis. Asked whether he had any new Marvel books in the works, "The Great One" responded:

Well, now that ultimate comics: Spiderman is done I might have to find something else to fill that space in my life :-(


This statement might have been a complete and utter mystery, bewildering all who read it with its vague references to "spider men" and "ultimate comics," had Johnston not, using his world famous skills at horn-tooting, remembered that Bleeding Cool had previously spread reported on rumors of Ultimate Spider-Man protagonist Miles Morales replacing Doctor Spiderpuss as the lead character in Superior Spider-Man, or whatever the hell that book will be called after being rebooted with a new number one issue in April:

But come to think of it didn’t Bleeding Cool run rumours of the cancellation of Superior Spider-Man in March and a relaunch of that book in April, by Dan Slott and Humberto Ramos.


Holy shit balls!!! Did they?! Did they, Rich?!?! Yes, it appears they did, as Johnston helpfully provided a link to prove it, just in case we doubted him.

Rich's theory certainly makes sense. The only Ultimate Comics title that appears to be solicited in March is Survive by Bendis and artist/hoagie chain founder Joe Quinones. Though the contents of the book are top secret, it's reasonable to assume it could center on Morales attempting to survive the events of the super-mega-blockbuster Ultimate event, Cataclysm, by joining the regular Marvel Universe and replacing Spiderpuss.

Johnston could gloat about Bleeding Cool being right, of course, but that would be too easy for a horn tooter of his skills. Instead, as coyly and subtly as possible, Johnston leads the reader to toot Bleeding Cool's horn for themselves:

With Survive #1 coming out in March, and an emphasis on crossing over between the Ultimate and the 616 realities, could this be the first semi-offcial inkling that the new Marvel Universe Spider-Man, as some suspect, instead of being Doc Ock in Peter’s boy, instead be Miles Morales? And we’ll be getting a new issue 1 in April?

Either way, there’s going to be a lot of fuss about Spider-Man. Oh look, a film is coming out.

Whatever it is, something’s up.


"Damn," said deceased Chicago blues great A.C. Reed after witnessing Johnston's performance. "I've never heard anyone toot their horn like that."

So will Miles Morales be Spider-Man in April? Probably. Bleeding Cool is usually right about this stuff. As they're sure to let you know at every opportunity. That's why we'll miss them the most.

The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author of said content. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!