In what is being called the Pearl Harbor of superhero film plans, Fox continues to secrety plot a Fantastic Four/X-Men crossover movie while the world turns a blind eye. Today, the rumor, which has been making the rounds since a crossover film was first announced in a shareholder report last month, was confirmed by The Hollywood Reporter, a fairly reputable source. Despite this, moviegoers continue to dismiss it as pure speculation, just as American military leaders refused to recognize that the Pearl Harbor naval base, with its shallow waters, was vulnerable to attack, despite the Battle of Taranto in 1940 making it clear that technology to launch torpedoes into a harbor from airplanes was available, changing the paradigm of naval warfare. Will this mistake be as costly for superhero movie fans?
"I see no reason to install torpedo nets around the X-Men franchise," insisted Professor Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms, esteemed head of the Superhero Movie Military Strategy Department at the University of Phoenix. "Yes, Fox promised shareholders they were going to make a Fantastic Four/X-Men movie, and yes, it's being reported by reputable sources everywhere, but that's no reason to worry, in my expert opinion."
"Och na, we're nae aff tae launch a sneak attack oan moviegoers wi' a Pure Dead Brilliant Four / X-Men crossover movie," swore self-proclaimed Fox superhero movie consultant and deranged Scotsman Mark Millar, who recently forbade the franchises to crossover, as he crossed his fingers behind his back. "How come wid ye think that? Th' shareholders? Pffft. We juist tell thaim whit thay wantae hear. Wid ah lie tae ye? Ah wouldn't dae that bairn. Tis ainlie ye, aye ye, that ah loue."
Millar then tried to kiss us on the mouth, but we rebuffed him. We're still taking the rumors with a grain of salt, but at this point, it's seeming as if Fox doth protest too much. If there's one thing we know about Hollywood movie studios, it's that they will do anything for a buck, like remaking the fucking Pink Panther, which we'll never forget, so a hastily conceived FF/X-Men movie meant to capitalize on Marvel's Avengers success is hardly beyond the realm of possibility.
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