Source: ThanosCopter Newswire
Earlier today, the Outhouse and countless other sites reported on a piece of idle speculation concerning the upcoming Man of Steel sequel over at Batman-on-film.com. The writer of the article, Jett, speculated that the Amazon warriors of Paradise Island would be reimagined as a Kryptonian offshoot that settled on Earth centuries ago.
Despite the writer repeatedly mentioning that this was just a bit of speculation with no basis of fact, the Internet went nuts, and the Batman-on-film article went viral, probably because it's a terrible idea, and just about everyone wants to see the movie turn into a hot mess (except for those people who blindly support DC/WB and are claiming that the Man of Steel sequel will be bigger than Jesus).
Since it's clear that the Internet has abandoned any sense of reading comprehension, here's some more made-up rumors that we hope will go viral.
1) Bruce Wayne will never actually be named in the movie, thus allowing fans to speculate if Batfleck is Wayne or Joseph Gordon-Levitt's John Blake character.
2) The Batmobile will somehow be simultaneously based on the old-school Batmobile from the 1966 TV show AND the Tumblr. There will be angles. Lots of angles.
3) Batman will be bisexual and will be in a love triangle with both Superman and Wonder Woman. Think Captain Jack Harkness, only Batmannier.
4) The movie will tie into the Arrow universe. John Diggle will appear as Green Lantern.
5) Every single actor rumored to play Lex Luthor will actually play Lex Luthor. He'll have a holographic imaging thing obscuring his face, which will make it that much easier to recast him as the Joker for the next movie.
6) We'll finally get that Superman/Wonder Woman sex scene people have been clamoring for for decades. It'll incorporate Wonder Woman's history with bondage.
7) The true villain of the movie will be revealed to be a cabal featuring Jonathan Kent, Thomas Wayne and Jor-El. Their resurrection will be explained in Man of Steel: Blackest Night, which will come out in 2017.
8) Robert Downey Jr. will cameo as Iron Man, although they won't name him because of legal reasons.
9) Christopher Reeve's CGI cameo will have an extended role as Earth-2 Superman.
10) Bizarro will make an appearance in the movie. During the climatic battle, he'll save lives, not kill his enemies and keep the city of Metropolis from getting destroyed.
Again, we totally made these up. But, If anyone asks how we know these completely fake plot points to the movie, it's because we're thick with DC executives and we have a bonafide Hollywood insider getting mad scoops and keeping score. So please link to our article and be sure to not mention that we're full of shit.
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About the Author - ThanosCopter
ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.
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