Yes friends, the Syfy Channel is actually remaking the 1977 classic Orca, a film about a giant killer whale that terrorized the original Dumbledore (Richard Harris). Details about the film leaked onto the internet this weekend, and though, unlike that other script that was leaked on the internet, Orca is probably of somewhat less interest to our readers, we're going to defy Syfy and post the details anyway. Keep in mind, these details come from an early draft of the film, before former Walking Dead showrunner Glen Mazarra was brought on to perform rewrites, so some things might have changed in the final version. Now, let's get to the sweet scoops!
Like all remakes there will be changes in Orca's concept and mythology. For instance, now the killer whale will be born of radiation, with the movie kicking off around 1954. After a brief vacation in the equally radiated Nagasaki, not Tokyo as previously speculated, Orca will acquire a taste for human flesh, attacking (and sinking) several Soviet and American warships. The attacks will lead to a nuclear bomb being dropped on the creature in a joint effort by the Soviets and US to destroy it, though it will only serve to piss Orca off.
The combined nuclear might of the United States and Soviet Union is nothing to the unstoppable Orca!
We'll then flash forward to the present, when some researchers in the Antarctic will come across a remarkable find: a fossilized killer whale doing prehistoric battle with several giant, fossilized cockroach-like creatures. These giant bugs will serve as the primary antagonists for the movie doing battle with Orca at multiple points. At one point, the creatures will mutate in a nuclear reactor (that previously had a meltdown) in Hokkaido. The now radioactive cockroaches will be even more powerful and ready to face off against the mighty Orca.
Ahhh! They're hideous! Props to the monster design team here!
The first encounter between the radioactive giant killer whale and cockroaches will occur in an airport. How is this possible, as the Orca is a water animal? Does the term Whalenado mean anything to you? Yeah, us either, which is good, because the leak didn't say anything about that. The military will be utterly helpless to stop the rampaging bugs, just like they couldn't stop Orca. Early in the film, Orca will fight one of the cockroaches and defeat it handily in a one-sided battle. The cockroach WILL survive the fight, but will be badly damaged, which will likely lead to the military defeating it.
Oh yay! There goes San Jose! Go go the Orca! Yeeeaaah!
For the climax, of course, the other mutant cockroach will take on Orca, and this battle will be on more even ground. In fact, at first it might be a reversal of the previous fight, with the cockroach owning Orca for a bit. That is, until Orca reveals that he can breath radioactive breath, which Orca will use three times in the course of the film, since the film is, after all, on a Syfy budget, and radioactive breath effects cost money.
Marvel at the incredible but extermely expensive atomic breath of the Orca!
Unfortunately, the ending has not been spoiled yet, nor has much information on the key human characters who'll appear in the movie. Honestly though, when you're watching a film to see giant monsters beat the crap out of each other, how much do you care about the human element? As it's Syfy, however, it'll probably star Tara Reid and Gary Busey.
No word yet on who's attached to the project, but the source did provide some images from early screen testing, which we've interspersed throughout the article.
Look for the Syfy Channel's Orca to hit television screens sometime after Shorknado, another big summer movie in which a tornado touches down in the Upper East Side of New York City and manages to somehow pick up a shitload of angry, yipping Shorkies, a form of hybrid dog breed that crosses Yorkies with Shih Tzus, and rain them down upon a helpless and severely annoyed populace. Stay tuned to The Outhouse for details on Orca, Shorknado, and other movies which we will not name here.
This is far scarier than a giant, radioactive killer whale!