In yet another attempt to paint Scott Summers and the rest of the staff of the New Charles Xavier School for the Gifted as the “bad guys,” Marvel Chief Creative Officer, Joe Quesada, told The Outhousers on Monday that Seahawks defensive corner Richard Sherman would be joining the team in May as its Communications Director.
Mr. Quesada made this announcement in an early morning interview with Outhouse Ace Reporter Frankenstein:
Frank: What Joe do in Frank’s bed at 6am? Frank told Joe go home!
Joe: What happened last night? Who are you? You’re not from USA Today.
Frank: Frank have standards! Frank write for Outhousers!
Joe: Why do my knees hurt? What is this disgusting taste in my mouth? What are you??
Frank: Joe no want know answers to questions. Trust Frank!
Frank: Joe know Joe talk in sleep?
Joe: *crosses fingers* Please tell me I didn’t give you any exclusive information.
Frank: Joe say Joe want dick!
Joe: …. Oh, that… what I meant was that we are adding Richard Sherman to Uncanny X-Men.
Frank: Why? Sherman seem better fit for Wolverine’s team.
Joe: That’s just the thing. We don't understand why there are still some readers who think that Scott Summers was right, and we figure if we add America’s newest tool-bag to the team, people will finally get the point and root for Wolverine.
Frank: Joe think Sherman worse than “kill all my kids” Wolverine?
Joe: Why do people keep harping on that? It’s not like Wolverine went around making a choking motion and giving a shoot interview most WWE wrestlers would kill to have delivered.
Frank: Sherman badder than Wolverine because he talk smack?
Frank: Joe stupid and bad lay. Joe get out!
Joe: You usually give me cookies.
Frank: FRANK SAY “GOOD DAY SIR!”
It only took a few minutes for Frank to call Outhouse EiC Christian Hoffer and tell him the news.
Christian: Seriously, are we still doing this?
Frank: Jude tell Frank “In order to remain competitive with other media outlets, The Outhouse, must continue to use references to Richard Sherman's post-game rant repeatedly in articles for at least two days after it stops being funny.”
Christian: Fucking, Jude!
Frank: No, Frank fuck Joe! Christian no all that bright.
Christian: You’re an idiot
No one has seen Frank since Christian sent him crying off into the mountains followed by rabid Marvel fanboys led by noted sycophant, A_Trumpet.
Since then, The Outhouse has been able to reach out to Richard Sherman for comment.
Outhouse: Richard, let me ask you about your new off-season position. Take me through how this came to be.
Sherman: Well, I’m the best teacher in the game. When you try me with a sorry headmaster like Wolverine, that’s the result you’re going to get. Don’t you ever talk about me.
Outhouse: Who was talking about you?
Sherman: Wolverine. Don’t you open your mouth about being the best there is. Or I’mma shut it for you real quick. L.O.B.
Outhouse: Alright, before … Well, RU, back over to you.
The Outhouse will keep you informed of any developments in this story.