A "Which Game of Thrones Character Are You" quiz is currently making its way around social media, delighting thousands of Facebook users who have seen the HBO series, or read the popular series of fantasy novels. However, at least one user isn't happy with his quiz results. "The whole quiz is a load of bullocks," said George R. R. Martin. "According to the damn thing, I'm Joffrey Baratheon."
Prince Joffrey is one of Game of Thrones most disliked characters, and is depicted in the television series as being sadistic, sniveling and immature, and personally ordered the death of Ned Stark, the series' first protagonist, and probably its most honorable one. "Frankly, the whole quiz is wrong," said Martin angrily. "There's no way that I could be anything like a character that delights in wanton killing and sadism. Anyone who knows me knows that I take no pleasure in randomly killing things or torturing my subjects."
The Zimbio quiz describes Joffrey as 'Swayed by decadence and prone to rash decisions that hurt thousands of people.' "That's ridiculous," said Martin, stabbing a fork into a freshly cooked lobster. "I have half a mind to delay my next book by three years because of this insult!" Martin did concede that both he and Joffrey enjoyed elaborate feasts, as evidenced by Martin's light lunch, which included the lobster, three medium rare steaks, a freshly cooked apple pie, a salad of exotic fruits and vegetables from the far corners of the world, polar bear flank, dolphin eye stew, three types of ale, and a finely aged wine.
When asked what character he thought he resembled, Martin laughed. "It's pretty damn clear that I'm Sansa Stark," he said. "Demure, graceful, poised under pressure. Beautiful on the inside as well as the outside." Martin also stated that he would have been okay with Tyrion, Arya, or just about any other character, "besides that cockless joke of a Greyjoy."
Martin stated that he'd have his revenge on the person who made the quiz. "I'm going to find out this Zambio website's favorite character, and then make sure it survives the entire series," said Martin. "That character will have everything he or she ever wanted. Power, love, stability. And then, on the last fucking page of the book, he's going to get stabbed in the back by Joffrey Baratheon's undead corpse and then have his face eaten off. HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW, ZAMBIO?"
In other news, Martin was reportedly happy with the results of Zambio's 'Which Disney Princess Are You" quiz, which said that he was Snow White. "We both tower over our peers and enchant animals with our musical ability," he said. "Plus we both enjoy a fresh piece of fruit every once in a while."