When Bleeding Cool Editor in Chief Hannah Means-Shannon posted an inspiring defense of the Top Five List article format yesterday, The Outhouse was convinced that Top Five Lists are the way of the future, so we decided to make January 30th Top Five Day on The Outhouse. We also encouraged other sites to join in the fun, and they summarily ignored us, because we're generally industry pariahs. That being said, Top Five lists are a staple of uninspired blogging across the internet every day, so we knew we'd have no problem finding:
The Top Five Top Five Articles From Around the Web on Outhouse Top Five Day
Starting out our list is an article from Marvel.com listing the top five Marvel spies as chosen by Secret Avengers scribe Ales Kot. This article does double duty as both a hit-grabbing Top Five list AND an Upworthy-style clickbait headline, thanks to the addition of "You Won't Believe Who Snuck On" to the title. True to those words, Kot's list features the usual suspects - Nick Fury, Bucky Barnes, Black Widow, Mystique - and also someone "you won't believe" - The Chameleon. Do you disagree with the spies Ales picked? Marvel hopes so, because then you'll post an angry complaint about the list on Facebook, drawing more yet more clicks.
Bleeding Cool set the bar low on this Top Five list about Ales Kot's Image series, Zero. The article makes no promises about the five things it will name about Zero. Are they thinks writer Alasdair Stuart likes? Are they things he hates? Things that will convince you Zero is really a grown up version of Nickelodeon's Codename: Kids Next Door? Further reading shows it's meant to be a list of things Stuart likes, but part of us wants to believe Hannah Means-Shannon is simply trolling us, and, if so, that's fucking awesome. In any case, check out the list, which really serves as a review of the book, here.
This article from the DC Comics Blog isn't technically a Top Five list, since it consists of seven reasons packaged as "5.2" due to Dan Didio's artithmomaniac obsession with the number 52, but we have it on good authority that two of the reasons will be canceled within a few months, so we're gonna count it. The article is little more than a glorified advertisement for DC's latest animated movie, but hey, their animated movies are way more enjoyable than their comics, so we feel this is probably worth a read. Plus, it gave us an opportunity to post this image of Batman awkwardly feeling up Green Lantern.
Where do we even start with Marvel.com's second entry on the list today? First of all, there's the use of the Oxford Comma in the headline. We gotta respect a site that respects the rules of grammar. Second, it's a stealth Top Five article. It doesn't say anywhere in the headline that this is a top five, but somehow, when we saw it, we just new in our guts that it was. And we were right of course, as the sub-headline reads: "The star-spangled Avenger has slung a number of different shields in his day – read up on five of them now!" We want you to understand the ramifications of this. Top Five lists are becoming so ubiquitous with comics journalism that articles are beginning to simply default to that format without even trying.
With facts such as "It takes place after the mid-season finale" listed as actual, non-sarcastic entries on this list from Lucas Siegel, Newsarama proves why they're the masters of this wonderful format. This whole affair started when we made fun of Bleeding Cool's Newsaramafication when they posted a Top Five List, so it's only fair that Newarama tops this list with this masterful piece of clickbait that's probably gotten 100 times as many pageviews as every article on The Outhouse today combined. But we're not bitter. We're just jealous. There's a difference.
We hope you enjoyed our rundown of the Top Five Top Five Articles From Around the Web on Outhouse Top Five Day. Did we miss any of your favorites? Post your top five below!