racists patriotic citizens all over 'Murica were outraged last night when industrial solvent beverage manufacturer Coca Cola ran an advertisement during the Superbowl featuring the song America the Beautiful performed in different languages while diverse images of Americans showed on the screen. Here's a recap. If you're pregnant, have a heart condition, or are unable to handle graphic imagery such as pictures of black people and the gays, you might want to close your eyes for this:
OK, a cowboy. That's American. So far so good. This isn't so bad.
A girl chewing bubble gum. Looks a little ethnic, but we'll let it slide...
Whoa, hang on a second...
Ahhhh! Black people! Run!
Those people are wearing un-American headgear!!!
This person is of an ethnic origin that I cannot immediately determine! Eek!
Sweet Jesus! Is that a gay family with two gay dads and a gay daughter?!
Needless to say, angry viewers took to Twitter and other social media to express their outrage. Unfortunately, since we're late to the party compared to media outlets that wake up on East Coast time, all the best tweets were already posted on websites, prompting most of the tweeters to delete or protect their accounts. Luckily, we were able to find this blog, which took screenshots. We're going to borrow a few of them here, but there is a veritable treasure trove of them there, so do go check it out.
The main gist of the complaints seemed to center around the singing of America the Beautiful in other languages. Because, you know, it's the national anthem.
In addition to America the Beautiful being the new national anthem, the exclamation point is the new question mark, and q is the new g. The racist outrage wasn't confined to music and linguistics, however. Americans would also prefer less terrorists and other unsavory types in their soda commercials.
But since Coke isn't listening, people are left with no chance but to boycott:
But where will they get their fix of brown dye and high fructose corn syrup?!
"I vould like to velcome all of our new customers into zee fold," announced Pepsi CEO Red Skull at a press conference this morning. "Ve have long believed that Pepsi is zee superior brand, the Master Cola, and ve are glad that others are finally recognizing zis fact."
See, we tied this into comics. If you want to see the Coke commercial, here you go:
And if you're thinking that you might want to drink a Coke just to spite racists and xenophobes, you might actually want to think twice about that. The company is under fire for its sponsorship of the Sochi Olympics in the wake of Russia's anti-gay laws.
Russia. More 'Murica than 'Murica. Maybe some people should move there.