Source: ThanosCopter Newswire
Citizens of Metropolis shocked the DC Universe today by rejecting Superman as their hero. The shocking news comes on the heels of rumors that young upstart John Romita Jr. and here-to-for unheard of writer Geoff Johns would be taking over the creative direction of the character.
"Look, I have nothing against those guys" said Metropolis resident Gary Winslow. "But here is an opportunity to do what's right and put Supes' underpants back on the outside and they are blowing it."
Leaked images show that this "New-Look" Superman is, in fact, virtually the same Superman we've all be looking at for the last 3 years. Granted, in the images provided we cannot see below Superman's waist, but that wasn't stopping prominent Metropoiltes (Metropoli? Metropoleans? Future Body Count Figures for the Next Man of Steel Movie?) weighed in on the controversy.
"He stinks and I don't like him," said recent Metropolis newcomer That One Guy From That One Scene In The First Spider-Man Movie
Local Metropolis scientist and recent Man of Steel cameo character Professor Emil Hamilton laid it out in pseudo-scientific terms. "You see, when something changes dramatically, people's natural instinct is to reject it," the professor said. "In the case of this "new" Superman, it's not surprising to see people reacting in the same way. After all, there's been such a drastic change here that it's gone all the way around to the point where the naked eye can't even really see the change. That's a deep cycle of change."
"Hey!" said the Outhouse's typical scientific expert Professor Thaddeus P. Puffinbottoms, professor emeritus of Recurring Gag Studies at the University of Phoenix. "This schlupp is stealing my bit!"
Three years ago, the population of Metropolis hesitantly accepted a Man of Steel that wore jeans and a t-shirt and then even more hesitantly a Superman who wore a Kryptonian suit. While an improvement on the Gap look, this new suit lacked one of the fundamental pieces that kept people looking to the skies for the Last Son of Krypton.
"There's no underpants on the outside" explained Hob's Bay waitress Ethel Cristenson. "How am I supposed to trust a superhero when I don't know where his underwear is? His pants just keep on going until they become his shirt, for Pete's sake! Pick a side, Superman! It's a deliberate stab at freedom and I'm pretty disappointed in the fact it doesn't look like they will be putting those boy shorts back on our boy."
Fellow Justice Leaguer Green Lantern (Hal Jordan, not the scary one) has offered to step in to fill the needs of the Citizens of Metropolis until this gets sorted out.
"Hey man, I can make anything I want with this ring. Underoos? No problem!" Green Lantern commented before remembering that it was Ladies Night at Warriors Bar and taking off into the night sky.
More on this story as it develops.
The Outhouse is sponsored by Cinema Crazed: Celebrating Film Culture & Pop Culture.
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About the Author - Jeff Moss
While most kids spend their days dreaming of being firemen or astronauts, Jeff Moss was firmly holed up in his room with a stack of comic books, shying away from natural light. Jeff co-founded No Reason Comics with Dan Simon in 2006 as a way to get all the comic book groupies. Crushed when he found out they didn’t exist, Jeff turned his attention to his second love, radio. Along with Donnie Coulter, he started The Watchtower Comic Book Show. In 2009, Jeff uprooted his life and made the arduous trek to the mythological land of Montreal, where he became the General Manager of The 4th Wall, a new breed of comic shop. Jeff also works as an editor on Gutters, a twice-weekly comic that parodies the entirety of the comic book world. Jeff lives with his Transformers and girlfriend Amy in a house with an office that can best be described as cave-like, and has aspirations to one day create something as wonderful as stuffed-crust pizza.
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