English superstar actor Gary Oldman confirmed at a Robocop press event that he had been contacted by Disney in regards to a role in the upcoming Star Wars Episode 7. Though no deal is finalized, it's likely that Oldman will end up in the movie, because Oldman is in every movie ever made. Still, contract negotiations are an important part of the movie making process, and The Outhouse has obtained an exclusive transcript from Oldman's conversation with Disney executive Clarence Worley:
No thanks? What does that mean? Means you ate before you came down here? All full. Is that it? Naw, I don't think so. I think you're too scared to be eatin'. Now, see we're sittin' down here, ready to negotiate, and you've already given up your shit. I'm still a mystery to you. But I know exactly where your white ass is comin' from. See, if I asked you if you wanted some dinner and you grabbed an egg roll and started to chow down, I'd say to myself, "This motherfucker's carryin' on like he ain't got a care in the world. Who know? Maybe he don't. Maybe this fool's such a bad motherfucker, he don't got to worry about nothin', he just sit down, eat my Chinese, watch my TV." See? You ain't even sat down yet. On that TV there, since you been in the room, is a woman with her breasteses hangin' out, and you ain't even bothered to look. You just been clockin' me. Now, I know I'm pretty, but I ain't as pretty as a couple of titties.
As for what part he may play, Slashfilm has some ideas:
What role Oldman is (or was?) up for is unclear. Earlier reports indicated that the studio was looking for a “a 40-something military man a la Matt Damon in Elysium” as well as a “seventy-something male, with strong opinions and tough demeanour.”
The 55-year-old Oldman is a bit old for the first role and a bit young for the second, but maybe Disney would be willing to relax their criteria for an actor as accomplished, talented, and respected as Oldman. Or perhaps he’s circling another character we haven’t even heard about yet
Sorry, I guess what we meant to say is that Slashfilm has no idea, but, like all the hollywood gossip sites, they gotta run something on Star Wars or risk falling behind. Slashfilm later goes on to point out that not a single person has been officially cast in Star Wars Episode 7, despite a constant assault of casting rumors since Disney purchased Lucasfilm in 2011.