Source: The Ravings of a Madman
Hollywood and movie fans alike were stunned today by the reveal that alleged actor Shia Labeouf's insane behaviour over the last few months has been nothing more than Method Acting, as the recently-dubbed "Turd" prepares to "don the pot" and bring Marvel Comics character Forbush Man to life on the big screen.
"Yeah... It makes sense... I guess" pondered longtime comics reader and celebrity retweeter Garret McGarrethy. "I mean, of all the things he could be doing, I guess this isn't the wierdest?"
Forbush Man first came to light in the 1960's as part of Marvel's critically-acclaimed Not Brand Echh title. His last appearance was in the actually good Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E. in 2006.
"I'm so glad that Forbush Man is finally coming to the big screen!" Exclaimed Forbush Man creator and semi-lucid comics legend Stan Lee. "Did I ever tell you how I created him? Let me tell you, it was 1955 and I was in a brothel in Thailand with Jack Kirby, Hugh Hefner and that Dragon... what was his name... you know the one, he played Pete's Dragon? From Honalee!"
"Anyways, so there we were." Lee continued, "Kirby and I were bare-knuckle boxing for change in a pit filled with snakes while the Dragon, whatever his name was, ran bets in the crowd. Next thing I know, Kirby gets me with a sneak right and I wake up in a hot air balloon as part of some kind of race around the world! Well, that didn't sit well with your Generalissimo, so up there in the balloon, I get the drop on him by wrapping a paper bag around his head. Boom, Forbush Man. Comics history, True Believers!"
The Beef himself could not be reached for comment, but when pressed for details, Emperor of Marvel Studios Kevin Feige would only grin and tweet "The groundwork for Phase 7 of the Marvel Movie Universe has been laid!" He then ascended through the roof in a rocket-powered throne of gold and was gone.
The buzz around Hollywood is that the gritty and dark Forbush Man reboot will see The Beef star as the titular hero who must struggle to find himself in a universe that has long forgotten him. He will also fight a robot, with Michael Bay rumoured to direct, or at least re-use fight footage from Transformers.
More on the story as it develops and The Beef spirals further into madness.
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About the Author - Jeff Moss
While most kids spend their days dreaming of being firemen or astronauts, Jeff Moss was firmly holed up in his room with a stack of comic books, shying away from natural light. Jeff co-founded No Reason Comics with Dan Simon in 2006 as a way to get all the comic book groupies. Crushed when he found out they didn’t exist, Jeff turned his attention to his second love, radio. Along with Donnie Coulter, he started The Watchtower Comic Book Show. In 2009, Jeff uprooted his life and made the arduous trek to the mythological land of Montreal, where he became the General Manager of The 4th Wall, a new breed of comic shop. Jeff also works as an editor on Gutters, a twice-weekly comic that parodies the entirety of the comic book world. Jeff lives with his Transformers and girlfriend Amy in a house with an office that can best be described as cave-like, and has aspirations to one day create something as wonderful as stuffed-crust pizza.
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