Following last week's announcement that Mike Marts would be taking over Marvel's Spider-Man line of books, Dan Didio officially announced the editor's replacement as Batman Group Editor at a press conference earlier this morning. "We're pleased to announce that Vertigo editor Mark Doyle will be taking over as the new editor for the Batman line of books," said Didio, sitting in front of a crowd of journalists and reporters. "Mark will also continue on as the editor of American Vampire and The Wake, and he'll be taking over as the chief scapegoat for any negative change made to the Batman characters during the New 52 reboot."
"Wait a second," said Doyle, who was sitting next to Didio at the press conference. "That wasn't covered in the job description."
"That's right," Didio said loudly. "Mark Doyle is now personally responsible for every change made to the Batman characters, even those made before he took over the position. For example, Mark was responsible for killing off Dick Grayson in Forever Evil. I was not involved with this decision at all." Doyle opened his mouth to reply, but Didio quickly took the editor's microphone and tossed it off the stage. "Let's take some questions from the media," Didio said.
"Whose decision was it to change Tim Drake's origin story last year?" asked one reporter, wearing a CBR press badge.
"Mark Doyle," said Didio. "He was personally involved with the crafting of that story, and actually was the person who originally came up with it." Doyle shook his head, but no one appeared to notice.
"Who was responsible for Stephanie Brown not appearing in a DC comic for over two years?" asked another reporter, this time from Newsarama.
"Again, that would be Mark Doyle," said Didio. "I had to battle him for months to get him to reconsider. He still won't let me use Cassie Cain in any of our books. He's a monster."
"I love Cassie Ca--" shouted Doyle, but Didio put his hand over his mouth.
"What about Harper Row?" a reporter from the New York Post asked. "Can you comment on the decision to introduce her as a character over better existing characters?"
"Harper Row was Mark Doyle's idea," said Didio. "In fact, you can rearrange her name to spell Mark Doyle." Doyle tried to point out that's not remotely accurate by holding up a sign, but reporters already moved on to another question about the controversial decision to publish fifteen Batman books, all of which were personally signed off on by Doyle years ago.
When asked about the Joker's Daughter, the abomination of a character that's now appeared in two solo comics for DC, Didio replied "The Joker's Daughter was another of Mark Doyle's brainchildren. He's often referred to her as the child he was never able to conceive in real life." Doyle pulled a picture of his two children and tried to show them to the press, but Didio snatched the picture and tore them into pieces.
Didio finished the press conference by blaming The Dark Knight Strikes Again on Doyle and giving the press Doyle's personal email and phone number and encouraging them to have fans contact Doyle at any time. He then stood up and dropped his microphone on the ground before walking away, leaving a speechless Doyle wondering exactly what just happened.
Congratulations to Doyle on the new position, and we look forward to blaming him for DC's decision to not credit Bill Finger for his contributions to the Batman mythos.