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Marvel Announces New Teen Cyclops Ongoing by Greg Rucka, Russell Dauterman, Will Win Every Award Known to Man

Written by ThanosCopter on Wednesday, February 12 2014 and posted in News with Benefits

Marvel Announces New Teen Cyclops Ongoing by Greg Rucka, Russell Dauterman, Will Win Every Award Known to Man

In related news, every other company has announced that they're quitting comics because they can't match the brilliance of this book.

Source: CBR

While it was announced today that the Syrian Civil War had ended, and scientists had discovered a way to solve world hunger, it was Marvel's announcement that they'd be releasing a new Cyclops series that made headlines across the globe today.  The new series will be written by Greg Rucka with art by Russell Dauterman, and will feature the teen version of Cyclops (who's currently in the present day thanks to machinations of uberprick Beast) go on a cosmic roadtrip with his father, Corsair, who was revealed to be alive in today's All New X-Men.   The series will highlight Cyclops' dysfunctional relationship with his father and dealing with being an awkward teenager, something every person who's ever read a comic can relate to.  It's believed that the series will win every comic award known to man, including the coveted Nobel Prize for Comics, which has never been awarded ever.  

Responding to the news, US President Barack Obama was delighted as he gave a speech to a crowd of thousands on the National Mall.  "I think it is no coincidence that Marvel's Cyclops series was announced shortly before Congress came together and hashed out a comprehensive budget that reduces our debt, expands our social programs and gives money back to the taxpayers," Obama said.  "In fact, you could say that Cyclops is an inspiration to us all." Further comments by the president were drowned out by deafening cheers by the masses, which continued for hours.

Obama wasn't the only world leader delighted by the news.  Russian president Vladmir Putin killed fifteen bears with his bare hands in celebration and then presented their heads to the creative teams.  Then, he awarded the remaining Olympic Medals to Rucka, Dauterman and editor Nick Lowe for their contributions to humanity.  Canadian hockey star Sidney Crosby, a known Wolverine fan and general poor sport, reportedly cried like a little girl over the news, but everyone else at the Olympics partied for days after the announcement.

The Cyclops series is believed to be the first sign that Marvel is moving away from the "Wolverine" age that has long dominated the company.  After the announcement, posters showing a shirtless Wolverine bent over a motorcycle were removed from every bathroom stall in the publisher's office, and several life sized Wolverine pillows distributed to employees by the company were publicly burned.  It's believed that teen Cyclops will take over Wolverine's role on every Avengers team and will become the new heartthrob of every female in the Marvel Universe, with the sole exception Squirrel Girl, who will be his new platonic best friend.  

Not everyone was happy with the news, however.  Jason Aaron was seen leaving the Marvel office in a state of disbelief, clutching several Wolverine posters he had salvaged from the trash cans.   

Cyclops #1 will debut in May.  


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About the Author - ThanosCopter

ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.


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