After releasing a teaser trailer, a standard trailer, two Superbowl spots that linked to an almost 4 minute promo, a pair of exclusive themed trailers, and three different "featurettes" Sony Pictures has decided to release The Amazing Spider-Man 2; starring Andrew Garfield, Jamie Foxx, Paul Giamatti and Emma Stone and directed by Marc Webb, this afternoon on MTV at 3:00pm EST.
Here are excerpts from the Sony Pictures press conference attended by The Outhouse and select other comics’ movie news media outlets.
After a brief statement was read, pretend Sony marketing executive Tom Sony took fake questions.
Did you see that Guardians trailer? I mean, I know you saw it, people in rural China saw that fucking thing, but c’mon, that was fucking amazing! We released, like, 25 minutes of a 2 hour movie and nobody gave a shit, Disney cranks out two minutes of characters that no one has ever heard of on Jimmy fucking Kimmel and everybody goes nuts! The raccoon didn’t even talk! We just said fuck it, we’re throwing in the towel.
Look, if you asked people, right now, “Which would you rather see, Amazing Spider-Man 2 or a 5 second Youtube loop of that tree thing saying its one line?” No contest. None. We know what’s up. Some green skinned alien babe or Paul Giamatti in a robot suit? NO. CONTEST. I’ve been in marketing a long time, I’m not a moron. I was there for Armageddon vs. Deep Impact; whatshername from The Naked Truth and North against fucking John McClane? Wonder how that one’s gonna come out.
At this point former Newsarama co-founder and current Newsarama Amazing Spider-Man 2 beat writer Matt Brady asked about the readiness of the film.
We’re cutting our losses, no more money on marketing, the VFX is mostly done, we’re just gonna put it out now as is. We finished it up yesterday, whoever was in the booth did the ADR, Marc had a dinner party or something so, uh, somebody had final cut. We’re gonna skip a theatrical release, and as far as I know right now the home video strategy is to drop a decent qualtity mpeg file on The Pirate Bay in a few weeks. Hopefully we’ll sell some toys, maybe some t-shirts or some birthday party supplies. There’s good margins on that cups and plate stuff. Bannners and noisemakers and all that shit. Anyway, we’ll see what happens, maybe make a little money, look ahead to the next one. So, uh, tune in, I guess, to MTV at 3:00 this afternoon, uh, eastern, I think? Yeah. Oh! We’re, uh, only on the standard definition version of MTV, the, uh, HD one is showing a Teen Mom 2 Reunion Special rerun.