Source: ThanosCopter Newswire
[Editor's Note: This article contains spoilers for Season 2 of the Netflix series House of Cards. If you have not watched this season, it is highly recommended you click away now.]
Newly appointed United States Vice President Frank Underwood had a violent confrontation with a journalist after she told him that Fox had cast a group of young, multi-ethnic actors to play the Fantastic Four in an upcoming movie. Underwood, a longtime fan of the Fantastic Four, became agitated at journalist Zoe Barnes when she brought up the news at a subway station in Washington DC.
At first, Underwood was only mildly irked about the young age of the actors, before realizing they had chosen Michael B. Jordan, a young black actor, to play Johnny Storm.
"A black man as a flaming superhero?," said Underwood, a southern politician from South Carolina. "That's not at all what Stan Lee intended for the character. Deviating from the source material is positively un-American!" While Underwood admitted that Michael B. Jordan was a better casting than Michael Jordan, the former NBA superstar and star of Space Jam, he still felt that the role would be better acted by a white actor. When Barnes accused Underwood of racism, he protested, claiming that he simply was a fan of the original, all-white Fantastic Four.
Underwood was also critical of the casting of Mara as Sue Storm, noting that she was white while Jordan was black. "If they're going to go through with this travesty, they should at least cast both siblings so they have the same skin color," said Underwood. "Besides, Kate Mara isn't even the best looking Mara sibling. Her sister is far better looking."
"I don't think Kate Mara is that bad looking," Barnes retorted, before quickly being silenced by Underwood as he grew more angry over the casting.
The final straw came when Underwood learned that the Thing would be played by British actor Jamie Bell. "The British guy from Jumper is playing the Thing?" he yelled. "Not only is he not American! He's not even Jewish! Has he ever appeared in a good movie?"
When Barnes pointed out that Bell had won a number of awards for Billy Elliot as a child, Underwood ordered that she delete his contact info from his phone before going on a lengthy diatribe about how he'd use his vice presidential power to destroy the movie before it hit theatres. "Isn't that a poor use of your powers?" Barnes asked. Underwood didn't reply, but instead pushed her in front of an oncoming train.
"It's as if she were invisible," Underwood said, breaking the fourth wall and looking directly into the camera. "She would have looked terrible as a blonde anyways. Didn't work for Jessica Alba, and it wouldn't have worked for her either."
As there were no witnesses, Underwood is expected to escape punishment for the incident. His plans to sabotage the upcoming Fantastic Four movie will probably be the plot of Season 3 of House of Cards.
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About the Author - ThanosCopter
ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.
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