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Producers Unable to Locate Hayden Panetteire for Heroes Reunion

Written by Jude Terror on Monday, February 24 2014 and posted in News with Benefits

Producers Unable to Locate Hayden Panetteire for Heroes Reunion

No one has seen the tiny actress in months, causing friends and family to believe she may have shrunk to subatomic levels.

Source: ThanosCopter Newswire

When NBC announced a new Heroes project called Heroes Reborn over the weekend, all seventeen of the show's remaining fans were overcome with joy. However, a wrinkle may have developed in the plans to bring the beleaguered show back as a mini-series as the show's most popular star, Hayden Panettiere, hasn't been seen or heard from in months. Measuring in at 5'2" during the show's initial run, Panettiere has continued to shrink since the show was canceled, as this tweet of a 4'5" Panettiere standing next to an SUV from March of last year illustrates:



It is unknown to what size Panettiere may have shrunk since March, but search teams have been dispatched to Rick Moranis's front lawn to see if she's currently battling a colony of ants for survival. Experts also suggest out that Panettiere has shrunk to subatomic levels, boarded a miniature submarine, and entered the bloodstream of Jean Del Val in an attempt to destroy a blood clot and obtain secret cold war information from the comatose scientist. However, scientists have not ruled out that this is the plot to the 1960s sci-fi flick Fantastic Voyage.

In any case, while some have pointed towards the ABC show Nashville as the actress's current home, producers are adamant that they had never heard of either the show or the network. "Can't say I'm familiar with that channel," one producer said. "Is it some sort of basic access cable network that only shows trashy soap operas and doesn't have any major sports contracts?"

"I'm fairly certain ABC is a rare debilitating disease," said another. "One of the people in my office said she had ABC. We had a fundraiser and everything. Or maybe it was a going away party. I forget if she just quit, or she's dead."

"Either way, I gave her a couple thousand dollars."

We've sent inquiries to Hank Pym and Ray Palmer, but both declined to comment, citing the fact that they're fictional characters. Stay tuned for updates on this breaking story.


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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

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