As part of its plans to increase obesity in America by getting kids hooked on comics, DC Comics has released a new line of printable puzzles on its website. By downloading the files, printing them out, and cutting them up, kids of all ages can enjoy all the fun and excitement of getting a superhero-themed puzzle from the Dollar Tree, but without the insurmountable success. The best part of putting together a puzzle, of course, is seeing the completed picture formed by all your hard work (followed closely by seeing your little brother break it apart and mess the whole thing up, causing you to cry uncontrollably).
Unfortunately, as soon as readers open up the file to print, they'll see the puzzle in its completed form, spoiling the whole thing. Take this image of The Martian Manhunter, which The Outhouse can exclusively reveal is the subject of this latest puzzle. As you can see, it would take an unspoiled puzzler a full two, possibly three minutes to assemble the puzzle's intricate fourteen piece pattern, but why bother when you can just check out the spoilers online?
"DC is at it again," complained one of many upset fans on the internet after seeing the puzzle.
We contacted DC Comics to ask about this problem, and they suggested that parents download the files, print the puzzles, cut them up, and give them to their kids, which, of course, makes no sense since, as we know, kids only put together Scooby Doo puzzles, not Justice League ones. Justice league puzzles are for forty-five year olds.
In any case, Bleeding Cool rumormonger Rich Johnston announced plans earlier today to travel to the homes of anyone attempting to assemble the puzzles spoiler-free and tell them what the puzzle will look like when it's completed.
"It's the Martian Manhunter, it is," Johnston will reportedly say before causing small children to break down in tears. "Pip pip!"
Stay tuned to The Outhouse for more on this breaking story, as we commence an internal debate to decide whether or not to reset the Has DC Done Something Stupid Today counter, or create a new counter for acts more heinous than DC's usual stupidity.