Source: IAI News
Scientists and paleontologists were stunned today when Warren Ellis devolved into a dinosaur during an interview with IAI News. The famed comics creator was speaking with Vassili Christodoulou to promote his first non-fiction book, Spirit Tracks, which is either about a train that runs through the fictional country of Hyrule or a book about the futures of cities and ghosts, when the transformation occurred, leaving the interviewer and a team of specialists stunned. "I've never seen anything like it," said Christodoulou. "One minute he was sitting there with his beard and fedora, the next he had tiny arms, feathers, birdlike mannerisms and a taste for oversized rodents. It was quite fascinating."
Ellis's devolution appears to have been caused by a question regarding the comic book industry. "God, people always ask me this," said Ellis, his voice turning into a growl. "And I'm not reading a hell of a lot of comics right now. Mostly, I’m finding that the field is going through one of its fallow phases. The American comics industry is in trouble."
After stating that, Ellis's arms began to shrink and his legs began to rapidly grow in size. "People in comics are still trying to work out what the internet is for," Ellis said, totally ignoring the large tail sprouting out of his pants. "And it's leading to a lot of close-minded thinking. So you're not really finding, at least in the commercial comics industry, a lot of experimentation or people trying to kick out new ground."
By this point in time, Ellis's nose had all but disappeared and had been replaced by a large rounded snout with two slits for nostrils. His teeth were sharp and spiky, and his fingers had largely been replaced with talons with sharp claws that sat uselessly on either side of his body. Surprisingly, both his beard and fedora remained intact after the transformation. "Ed Brubaker is doing some interesting crime stuff," Dino-Ellis said, possibly referring to Brubaker's horror comic Fatale.
"Matt Fraction," Dino-Ellis said. "Casanova, I think, is wonderful." At this point in time, Ellis had difficulty saying complete sentences as his vocal chords were transforming into those of a prehistoric birds. His short term memory was obviously affected as well as Casanova hasn't seen print in 18 months, although a new volume is supposed to come out this year.
"I’m really liking what Brandon Graham is doing on Prophet," gasped Ellis with one final sentence. "It's considered experimental, but it shouldn't be, because what he's doing is actually '60s and '70s European science fiction in 2012 American comics." With that, Ellis's transformation was complete, and he let out a bloodcurdling roar, sending Christodoulou fleeing from the room.
Scientists believe that Ellis transformed into the rare Grumpasaurus, a Cretaceous Era dinosaur rivaled only its better known cousin, the Tyrannosaurus Rex, as the fiercest of all the dinosaurs. "We know very little about the Grumpasaurus," said Professor of Probably Made Up Paleontology Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms of DeVry University. "However, we believe they hunted their prey by humbugging them to death while flooding their victim's natural habitat with increasingly banal and mediocre comics." Below is an exclusive first picture of Ellis as a Grumpasaurus.
Surprisingly, this isn't the first time that a comics creator turned into a dinosaur. "Alan Moore transformed into a Grumpasaurus Rex in 1993," said Puffinbottoms. "Frank Miller also changed into the related Mysogasaur in 2001."
When asked what caused the transformation, Puffinbottoms didn't have any answers. "There's little we know about the transformation process. In all three cases, their transformations were preceded by the creators' releasing mediocre material far below their usual output. Frankly, we should have seen that this was coming when Ellis wrote that god awful Avengers: Endless Winter book. We also believe that the transformation might also have something to do with having an unkempt beard."
Despite Ellis's transformation, it's not believed that his upcoming American comic book Moon Knight will be affected. "It'll take a little bit of time to become accustomed to writing with the stubby little arms and eating tons of raw meat of day," Puffinbottoms said. "However, Alan Moore still manages to produce at least one League of Extraordinary Gentlemen script a year and scare local schoolchildren in his spare time. I'm sure Warren Ellis will be fine."
Indeed, Christodoulou managed to finish the interview with Ellis, which features Ellis's thoughts about the Mesozoic Era, why he doesn't use the Facebooks for personal reasons, and his daughter wearing t-shirts with "Fuck" on them in public. You can find the rest of Ellis's interview with IAI News here, which we imagine was transcribed using a dinosaur translator.
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