If there's one thing everyone loves about the Star Wars prequels, it's the way that future Darth Vader, Annakin Skywalker, was shown to be an angsty, brooding anti-hero, so it's no surprise that Disney is looking to capture that magic again by casting Girls star Adam Driver as the big bad in Star Wars Episode 7. Driver has been rumored to be up for a role in the flick for some time, but Variety is reporting that he is close to a deal, and that he would be playing the main villain in the movie. In addition, The Outhouse can exclusively reveal that the new Star Wars films will tie into the continuity of HBO's Girls. According to our sources:
Driver's character is warped and converted to the Dark Side thanks to enduring a relationship with Lena Dunham's character, Hannah, for so long in the show. Hannah's self-centered, petty narcissism, along with her penchant for gratuitous nudity, drive Adam criminally insane, leading him to flee into space where he eventually masters the Dark Side of the force and becomes a Sith Lord.
The plot of the movie is expected to focus on Adam's conflict with the children of Princess Leia and Han Salo, at least until the middle of the movie, at which point Hannah will show up high on adderall, act charmingly awkward at an important Galactic Federation dinner party, and then engage the other characters in hip, snappy dialog about her OCD and how interesting her petty struggles with adjusting to adult life are, all while wearing nothing but a transparent white tank top and no pants.
In addition to his Girls popularity, roguish good looks, and proficiency at rear entry sex scenes, Disney considered Driver an attractive prospect to join the Star Wars franchise because he only needs to be paid in cronuts and vintage fedoras. Disney is also reportedly working on signing at least one of the other Girls actresses for a cameo in a sex scene with a wookie. Zosia Mamet is considered the frontrunner for the role right now, but producers reportedly feel that Jemima Kirke's character could also work, based on how she's been exploring her sexuality in the current season of the show. Stay tuned to The Outhouse for more on this breaking story.
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About the Author - Jude Terror
Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. Ironically, our webmaster, whose website skills know no end, has very little understanding of social networks or how they work. Regardless, you can find him on Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr, but would probably have the most luck just emailing him.
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