Source: ThanosCopter Newswire
Comic fans were treated to a rare paradox yesterday when conflicting news reports came out that All-Star Western, the cult DC western series had either been canceled or not canceled. Reports are now coming out that the reason for the conflicting reports is due to Dan Didio conducting an elaborate piece of performance art at the ComicPro retailer meetings, which has caused the comic to enter a quantum state which has only been theorized by scientists.
The Outhouse has learned that yesterday Dan Didio sealed himself into a box with a copy of All-Star Western at the end of DC's presentation at the ComicPro meetings, declaring that depending on his temperament, the book would or would not be canceled. Immediately, people began to call up news sites about the book's cancelation or non-cancelation, leading to several contradictory reports.
We brought in Dr. Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms, Professor of Quantum States of Comics at the prestigious University of Phoenix to definitively declare whether or not the comic was canceled. After examining the box, which has now been sealed with Didio inside for nearly 18 hours, Puffinbottoms was ready to make his declaration. "I've never seen anything like this before," said Puffinbottoms. "The comic's cancelation status depends totally on Didio's temperament, which is volatile and equally likely to be calm or irrationally angry. Therefore, as long as the box is sealed with Didio inside, the comic simultaneously exists as canceled and not canceled. It's a real life version of Schrödinger's cat."
Schrödinger's cat refers to a quantum mechanics paradox, in which a cat is placed in a sealed box with a small radioactive source and a vial of poison. The radioactive source is small enough that a single atom could decay over the course of an hour, but could with equal probability also not decay. Should the atom decay, a Geiger counter in the box would spike, which would in turn cause a hammer to drop on the vial of poison, killing the cat. Schrödinger pointed out that as long as the box remained sealed, the cat existed as both alive and dead, since there was an equal probability that the poison would or would have killed it.
Puffinbottoms was shocked by the edginess of Didio's performance, and immediately declared that he would be buying dozens of DC comics for the first time. "This is the excitement that the comic industry has been missing!" Puffinbottoms declared. "So big! So bold! So crazy! Only one comics publisher dares to test the laws of quantum mechanics! Make mine DC!"
While quantum physicists are flocking to comic book stores as a result of Didio's creation of a quantum mechanics paradox, DC employees weren't quite as enthused. "When's Didio leaving the box?" asked one DC employee. "I've got a bunch of creative teams for this Five Years Later jump that he needs to approve, and we can't get these things out on time without him."
When the employee went to open the box, Puffinbottoms tackled him and threw him to the ground. "Don't ruin the paradox!" he cried. "In order for the paradox to remain a success, he must be sealed in there for all eternity!"
The Outhouse will continue to update you on the status of All-Star Western, and whether or not Dan Didio ever leaves his Schrödinger box.
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About the Author - ThanosCopter
ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.
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