Following but apparently completely unrelated to recent comments by Image Publisher Eric Stephenson about the damaging effects of corporate comics' publishing strategies, Marvel and DC Comics have announced a joint blockbuster event comic titled Eric Stephenson is a Stinky Doodyface and Superhero Comics are Awesome. The thirty-six maxi-crossover will kick off with a double-sized first issue showing every Marvel and DC superhero punching Stephenson in the nuts.
"Just page after page of Stephenson's nuts being mangled, wrapped inside lenticular chromium covers," revealed Marvel Editor in Chief Axel Alonso at a hastily convened press conference to announce the event.
"Just wait until the fourth issue, when Stephenson reveals that he's actually into that sort of thing," added DC Co-Publisher Dan Didio. "Sexually, that is. He's into it sexually."
"Dudes are into that sort of thing?" asked Alonso in surprise.
"Really? You're the company that employs Chris Claremont, and you didn't know that?" countered Didio.
According to initial reports, the crossover will be published on a weekly schedule, with every cover featuring a new gimmick variant. To support this somewhat bold promise, the companies are investing a combined one billion dollars into gimmick variant cover research and development. The event will tie in with every single book in both comics universes, putting any current ongoing stories on indefinite hiatus.
"Though there will be thirty-six issues, every one will be a renumbered #1," Alonso added, giving a big thumbs up to the crowd.
Alonso and Didio then embraced on stage, to the cheers of the emotionally-stunted fanboys in attendence. The comics executives also denied that the plans had anything to do with the disparaging remarks about mainstream superhero comics made by Stephenson at ComicsPro today, saying that these plans are something the publishers have been building to for a long time in their stories, and that their readers were certainly smart enough to know better than to buy into reactionary cash-grabs with no actual literary merit.
"We're the companies that brought you the All-New Marvel NOW! bi-monthly relaunch cycle and the Villains Month 3Dnado, finally teaming up and working together for a common cause," boasted Alonso, who then gave Didio a high-five. "'Nuff said."
'Nuff said indeed.
At press time, pre-orders for a special pre-event sneak peak issue Eric Stephenson is a Stinky Doodyface and Superhero Comics Are Awesome #0.1 had already broken all existing sales records, proving that the industry has nothing to worry about. We’ll keep you updated on this strange but exciting story.