Dan Didio, co-publisher of DC Comics, celebrated a new milestone in his career today with the release of Forever Evil #6, in which Lex Luthor kills Dick Grayson in order to save... the world. "I did it!" shouted a jubilant Didio during a huge party at DC's New York offices. "I finally did it! I killed the bastard off!" DC employees cheered as Didio and DC editor in chief Bob Harras rolled out several kegs of craft beer, kicking off the party in earnest at 9 AM in the morning.
"When I started working in comics, I had three goals," said Didio to the assembled crowd as Harras passed out beer in plastic cups. "Un-marry Spider-Man, get rid of most of the mutants, and turn Captain America into an oppressive fascist that employs murderers. When Joe Quesada stole my ideas and got hired by Marvel, I decided to go back to my first goal in life... killing off Dick Grayson."
Batman editor Mark Doyle rolled out a large cake shaped liked Nightwing to ooohs and ahhs. "And now," Didio said, brandishing a comically large knife. "I've done just that!" He chopped off the cake Nightwing's head with gusto, causing the employees to cheer and start drinking again.
"LET'S GET WASTED!" shouted Harras.
Didio has often flirted with killing Grayson off in the past, and even came close to pulling the trigger during DC's 2005 event Infinite Crisis. This led many fans to believe that he had some sort of grudge or irrational hatred of the character, which Didio has historically denied. "I didn't grow up hating Dick Grayson," admitted Didio as he held Harras upside down to do a keg stand. "In fact I used to love him when I was a child. I even founded the first ever Dick Lovers Club, which got national attention from several alternative newspapers. But then... something happened. Something terrible...."
The publisher's eyes grew distant. "I auditioned for the role of Robin for the 1966 Batman television show. I was perfect for the role. I looked great in a green speedo, I had trained extensively as an acrobat, and I even dyed my hair so that it would be black, just like Dick. The producers loved me, and I ended up being one of their final choices, along with some 19 year old named Burt Ward."
A single tear rolled down Didio's cheek. "They picked Ward over me. I was devastated. Then, the dye I used in my hair caused it to fall out, leaving me bald at the age of eleven. I vowed that I'd have my revenge on Robin and now I've done just that."
Harras spit out the keg tap out of his mouth, causing beer to spill onto the ground. "Uh, boss," Harras said, still upside down. "Shouldn't you have vowed revenge against Burt Ward instead of Robin? I mean, Robin's a fictional character. Burt Ward's the actor who really screwed you over."
Didio became uncomfortably silent. "I've made a terrible mistake," he said quietly. He let go of Harras's legs, causing the editor in chief to fall. "Someone get Geoff Johns on the phone!" Didio shouted. "We need to re-write Forever Evil #7!"
He picked up the knife he used to cut the Nightwing cake and raised it over his head. "And somebody invite Burt Ward to come see me in my office! I've some... unfinished business with him."
Forever Evil #6 is in stores today. Nightwing's death will be reversed in Forever Evil #7.