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Controversial Retailer Dennis Barger Jr. Forms CoBRA, a Ruthless Retailer Organization Determined to Rule the World

Written by Jude Terror on Wednesday, March 05 2014 and posted in News with Benefits

Controversial Retailer Dennis Barger Jr. Forms CoBRA, a Ruthless Retailer Organization Determined to Rule the World

Sometimes, these articles write themselves.

Via a report on Bleeding Cool, The Outhouse has learned that controversial retailer and anti-sexism spokesman Dennis Barger Jr., in conjunction with several other notable retailers,  is launching an alternative retailer organization to ComicsPRO called CoBRA - The Comic Book Retailer Alliance. The group intends to have their first meeting in May at the Diamond Retailers Summit.

From Barger's Facebook:

My frustration with much of what is going on in comics has at least in a large part been set in motion for a reversal. When the Beatles wrote "I get by with a little help from my friends" they had no idea the level of people that would one day join forces like a modern day superhero team to form a comic book organization like no other. This group of retailers are unsurpassed in their knowledge of the industry, fortitude of character and strength of their voices. It is my pleasure and honor to team up with Randy Myers, Dominic Postiglione, Larry's Comics, Jetpack Comics, Jesse James, Chandler Rice, Aaron Haaland and Richard Nelson to start the Comic Book Retailer Alliance. An advocacy group for the protection of the local comic shop (lcs) and the for a future in print comics for all creators. Way more information to come.


time frame for this is we are having our first meeting in May at the Diamond Comics retailers Summit of several of the founding members, we will be creating our mission statement, rules and what not and recruiting fellow retailers to join the fight. We will have a few surprises before that, but I don't join anything unless it's going to be huge and get things done. This is the group that will do that.


Bleeding Cool is as of yet how exactly the group will differ from ComicsPRO:

But will they attract more? How will the operate differently to Comics PRO? And what mad plans do they have to boost the comics marketplace?


However, our sources tell us that CoBRA plans to build a machine called a "Weather Dominator" which will allow them to control weather patterns and unleash devastating storms around the globe. They have also reportedly launched several satellites into orbit which can link together, forming a "Pyramid of Darkness" and eliminating the use of electrical energy on Earth, forcing comics publishers to deliver comics via hang glider and wind-powered sand ships. In addition, we are hearing that they have plans to combine the DNA of history's greatest retailers in order to create a CoBRA Emporer who will lead the direct market to new heights of greatness.

First, however, the group reportedly plans to kidnap digital comics spokesman, retail poseur, and mortal enemy of Barger, Mark Waid, and hold him for ransom to the tune of one billion dollars. It is unknown if former Marvel Comics editor Stephen Wacker has the money to pay for his best friend's release, but we assume he must profit in some way from trolling comic book readers on the Bleeding Cool message boards.

Asked for comment, Barger would only tell The Outhouse, "A maaannnn. Yessss. I wassss onccccccee a maaaaannnnnn." Barger then slithered off into the jungle, likely to return an an opportune moment during a climactic battle to save the day.

Stay tuned to The Outhouse for updates on this rapidly developing story. In the meantime, in the interest of self-promotion, here's a cover of the song Cold Slither from a 2006 musical project of mine which I would like to offer to the fledgeling group as a theme song:


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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

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