Superstar Miami Heat basketball player, Space Jam 2 star, and person lucky enough to get out of Cleveland Lebron James cited short-sleeved jerseys introduced by the NBA this season as a partial reason for his poor performance in a 111-87 loss against the San Antonio Spurs last night, saying that the sleeves on the Jersey impeded his jump shot. "I'm not making excuses," said James, who was making excuses for only scoring 18 points, "but I'm not a big fan of the jerseys. Every time I shoot it feels like it's just pulling right up underneath my arm. I already don't have much room for error on my jump shot. It's definitely not a good thing."
Despite statistical analysis showing that shooting percentages are exactly the same with and without the jerseys, the excuse has been seized upon by a desperate comic industry which has been besieged by mistakes and screw-ups that no one wants to take responsibility for. Newsarama mogul Lucas Siegel chimed in first, claiming that he was wearing short sleeves when he tweeted vague allusions to a dispute with DC Comics public relations department on Twitter earlier this week, causing passive-aggressive finger-wagging from the teat-sucking comics journalism establishment. Siegel later deleted the most offensive tweet, saying that he meant to tweet a link to a Top Five list of the greatest DC Comics projects he's not allowed to talk about because the company said so on his website, but the sleeves impeded his typing, causing him to post a quote from a DC rep telling Newsarama not to cover DC comics instead.
"I'm not making excuses," Siegel pointed out," but I'm not a big fan of the Jerseys." He was immediately forgiven for all transgressions.
The excuse has proven so effective, everyone is jumping on the bandwagon. Image Comics Publisher Eric Stephenson, who recently created an uproar when a well-meaning speech insulted rivals IDW Publishing and Dark Horse Comics, leading to a running joke that will be milked to death in Bleeding Cool headlines for months, has blamed his claims that G.I. Joe, Transformers, and Star Wars are not real comics on the shirt sleeves he was wearing that day.
"I'm not making excuses," Stephenson insisted, "but every time I give an inflammatory speech about how corporate practices are eating the industry alive from the inside out like a flesh eating virus, I can feel these sleeves sort of tugging at my armpits, ever so slightly. It's definitely not a good thing."
DC executives immediately jumped on the bandwagon as well, blaming sleeves for their recent editorial snafus, claiming that the blood flow to their brains were impeded by the sleeves. Unfortunately, this theory was quickly disproved when it was revealed that Editor in Chief Bob Harras regularly shows up to work in a wife-beater t-shirt and sagging, oversized jeans, because that's what the cool kids do.
"What is up, home dogs?" the 54-year old Harras told reporters at a hastily convened press conference. "I'm not making excuses, but every thing bad that's happened at DC in my tenure is a result of these sleeves." Harras then pointed to his sleeveless arms, completely oblivious.
The Outhouse finds these recent attempts to shirk responsibility to be extremely shameful, and hopes that comic book publishers and journalists will be more accountable for their own actions in the future. It's disingenuous to blame clothing that everyone else is wearing too for every little misstep. Not only that, but saying "I'm not making excuses" right before making excuses is just bad form. That being said, we're not trying to make excuses, but that Andrew Garfield temper tantrum article we published yesterday without verifying was totally because of these sleeves. They're messing up our game.
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About the Author - Jude Terror
Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. Ironically, our webmaster, whose website skills know no end, has very little understanding of social networks or how they work. Regardless, you can find him on Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr, but would probably have the most luck just emailing him.
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