All Marvel wanted to do was announce a new Infinite Ultimate All-Ages Spider-Man digital comic at the South by Southwest festival this weekend, but a small disagreement over the proper nomenclature quickly turned to violence in the sweltering Texas heat.
"I want to announce our latest digital initiative," boasted Marvel Chief Creative Officer Joe Quesada from the podium at the nerd stage on Saturday. "Ultimate Infinite All-Ages Spider-Man! Yay!"
But before the crowd could respond to the announcement of a new addition to Marvel's digital lineup based on the popular animated series, Vice President of Digital Comics Kristen Vincent jumped out of her chair, nudged Quesada away from the microphone, and corrected him: "What Joe meant to say was that this is All-Ages Infinite Ultimate Spider-Man."
"No," Quesada retorted. "I'm pretty sure it's Ultimate Infinite All-Ages Spider-Man."
Vincent chuckled. "Oh, that Joe, such a kidder. But clearly, these are All-Ages Infinite Ultimate comics. I mean, who would make an Ultimate Infinite All-Ages Spider-Man comic? That would be ridiculous."
"Now hold on!" exclaimed a visibly annoyed Quesada. "It would be perfectly reasonable to make Ultimate Infinite All-Ages Spider-Man comic. It's Infinite Ultimate comics that are ridiculous."
"Say that again," demanded Vincent, ready to fight.
"You're both wrong!" chimed in Editor in Chief Axel-Alonso. "As I see it, this is an Infinite All-Ages Ultimate Comics Spider-Man comic."
"Over my dead body!" shouted Quesada as he punched Alonso in the face. Vincent quickly jumped on his back and began clawing at his eyes.
"AAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" screamed an enraged Marvel Publisher Dan Buckley as he charged onto the stage waving a handgun. Buckley fired several warning shots near Quesada, Alonso, and Vincent's feet. "I'm in charge around here, and I say it's a Marvel Universe Ultimate Comics All-Ages Infinite Comics Spider-Man comic!"
The crowd stood in stunned silence as the executives faced off on the stage. A power point slideshow progressed silently behind them on stage, showing slides that indicated the comic would feature top talent from both comics and television, such as writers Eugene Son, Matt Kindt, Cullen Bunn and Tim Seeley as well as artists JL Mast, Geoffrey Beulieu, Luciano Vecchio, and Soutchey Leimetry, and that it would be translated into ten additional languages besides English in order to appeal to a worldwide audience. Then, a few voices spoke up, almost whispering: "Infinite Ultimate Comics. Infinite Ultimate Comics."
The chant was quickly answered from another part of the crowd. "Ultimate Infinite Comics! Ultimate Infinite Comics!"
"Kill the infidels!" someone shouted, and the entire room broke out into violent chaos.
"Look for... Ultimate Infinite... All-Ages... Spider-Man..." gasped Quesada as Vincent choked him out, "on your favorite... digital reading device... soon!"