Last night, Fox aired the long awaited premiere of Cosmos, a remake of the 1980 Carl Sagan show. Produced by Seth Macfarlane and narrated by popular astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson, the series debuted to both critical acclaim, fan hype and high ratings. However, not everyone is happy with the way the series depicted the birth of the universe.
A group of rigidly inflexible extremists are speaking out against the show for what they feel is an inaccurate depiction of the Big Bang, citing a dated piece of literature as proof. "I was really excited to see how Cosmos showed the creation of the universe," said Geoffrey Graver, a 51 year old analyst from Portland Oregon. "Imagine my disappointment when they didn't show a giant cosmic hand grabbing a spiral galaxy in the center of a astronomical maelstrom."
Graver and several others are upset that Cosmos didn't use DC's Crisis on Infinite Earths' theory of the multiverse, which states that an Oan scientist named Krona created the multiverse when he attempted to view the beginning of the universe, causing all sorts of weird shit to go down. "With all of Tyson's talk of the multiverse and the Big Bang, you'd think he'd have the good grace to acknowledge that it all came about when an alien tried to glimpse at forbidden knowledge," Graver said. He went on to express his displeasure that the show also didn't reference the Source Wall or the Fourth World, both key components in DC's universal theory.
Graver stated that he's spoken to dozens of like-minded fans and have even gone as far as to petition the US government to force Cosmos to reference the DC theory of creation, citing that viewers would have an otherwise be presented with an incomplete set of universal creation theories. "It's not that I don't mind Cosmos discussing other theories about the creation of the universe," Graver said. "It's just that I want them to talk about the correct one as well. You know, the one that involves a giant hand squeezing a galaxy like a melon."
The Outhouse reached out to deGrasse Tyson for comment, but he was busy with speaking to real websites, so we turned to the only other scientist we know for his opinion on Graver's complaints. "It's true," said Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms, professor of Bullshit Astrophysical Theories at the prestigious DeVry University. "Cosmos didn't references giant cosmic hands, Thetans, Cthulhu, or conflicting creation stories found in the same chapter of Genesis. If you were looking for fanciful, but totally legitimate, theories on how the universe was created, you'd be disappointed."
Graver isn't the only person upset with Cosmos. "I watched Cosmos just so I could bitch about The Big Bang Theory on Facebook and write fifteen articles about it on my website," said Gus Sterlingham, a self-proclaimed know it all and journalist. "So imagine my surprise when Sheldon Cooper, Penny No Last Name, or Leonard Hofstadter didn't make appearances on the show. How am I supposed to whine about a television show if they don't put things in there that I don't like?"
National Geographic will air an encore of the controversial episode tonight, featuring new material. New episodes will air on Sundays.