Written by Jude Terror
on Thursday, March 13 2014 and posted in News with Benefits
The Captain America: Winter Soldier star is signed on to make Marvel movies for long after they will have stopped being cool.
The Hollywood Reporter revealed today that Sebastian Stan, whose mere existence is a walking spoiler for Captain America: The Winter Soldier, is signed on for a nine picture deal with Marvel Studios. It's an epicly long time to be contracted to make movies, especially considering Stan's character pretty much only appears in the Captain America franchise. That is, unless Marvel is planning on duplicating their comic book storyline and having Stan take over the role as Cap for a while. Then again, maybe Stan just works for cheap and the company figures they can find something for him to do once he outlives his onscreen usefulness.
"Our contracts are ironclad," commented Marvel Studios head Kevin Feige. "There's a clause in Sebastian Stan's contract that says if we don't need him for any more movies, he has to follow me around as my personal manservant."
Feige explained that he's obsessed with the 1984 musical drama Purple Rain, and has been actively seeking a B-list actor to act as the Jerome to his Morris Day for some time, as his current choice, former Hulk actor Eric Bana, hasn't been working out.
"Somebody bring me a mirror!" Feige shouted, at which point a sulking Bana emerged slowly from a supply closet and held up a large mirror while Feige brushed his hair. Bana refused to make eye contact with anyone in the room.
"Step it up, Jerome!" Feige barked. "Let's have some action! Let's have some asses wigglin'! I want some perfection!"
At press time, no one had informed Stan of his impending fate, and the actor was happily looking forward to a long career as a supporting character in superhero flicks.
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About the Author - Jude Terror
Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.
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