Marvel formally announced that it planned to kill Wolverine this morning in an arc entitled "3 Months to Die". The arc will be a countdown to Wolverine #12, which presumably will mark the death of Wolverine. However, that announcement was eclipsed by a stunning declaration by X-Men editor Mike Marts during a CBR interview about the event, in which Marts declared himself to be the grim reaper of comics. Here's the not at all taken out of context quote, straight out of death's mouth.
I'm the Grim Reaper of comic books.
The Outhouse requested an interview with the comic industry's new harbinger of death, but Marvel denied our interview request since no sane comic book company would ever talk with us. So, we dressed up the Outhouse's Jude Terror as Newsarama editor Lucas Siegel and sent him to Marvel's offices to speak with Marts.
Jude Terror: It's a pleasure speaking with you, Mike. And might I say, I think your black hooded robe and scythe look very fetching today.
X-Men Editor Mike Marts: It's nice to see you too, Lucas. Although, you seemed to have gained several hundred pounds since we last spoke. You better eat a little more healthy or I'll be showing up at your doorstep sooner as opposed to later.
JT: Haha. So, Mike, could you tell us about your new position as the Grim Reaper of comic books?
Marts: I am become death, destroyer of worlds. Look upon my works, ye mighty and despair.
JT: Did you just...mash up a Bhagavad Gita quote with a line from Percy Shelley's Ozymandius?
Marts: Seasons don't fear the reaper, nor the wind, the sun or the rain.
JT: And that's a Blue Oyster Cult song. Seriously, Mike, Outh-- I mean, Newsarama readers want to know exactly how one becomes the Grim Reaper of comic books. Is it a company specific position, or is more of an honorary title, like "the King" or "the Man"?
Marts: You can be a king or a street sweeper, but everybody dances with the Grim Reaper.
JT: Okay, that's just a Robert Alton Harris quote. Are you just going to toss quotes about the grim reaper at me until I go away?
Marts: I believe Colonel Mustard did it in the study with a candlestick.
JT: I... don't know what that's from.
Marts: Bill and Ted's Most Bogus Journey. An underrated classic.
JT: I don't think anything with Keanu Reeves in it qualifies as a classic movie...[sees Marts brandishing his scythe threateningly] But I'll just take your word on it. So, Mike, just tell me this: Does the Grim Reaper of comic books just take the lives of fictional characters? Or does it cover comic professionals too?
JT: Yes to the first question, or yes to the second one?
Marts: [in a deeper, faux scary voice] Yes.
JT: Is that your Grim Reaper voice?
Marts: Yes. It's still a work in progress.
JT: Are you going to answer any real questions about being the Grim Reaper of comic books?
JT: [Sighs] And this is why we gave up doing real interviews long ago.
Marts: What? Wait a second, you're not really Lucas Siegel, are you?
JT: ...Gotta go! [Runs through a brick wall and out into the open street]
Random Bystander: My god, it's the Kool-Aid man!
Marts (shouting after Terror): Outhousers! I'll see you in heeeellllllll!
JT: (shouting back while running away): Those are lyrics from the band Grim Reaper!
So there you have it, Mike Marts is the Grim Reaper of comic books. Readers can find his handiwork in the upcoming Wolverine arc "3 Months to Die", out this June.
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About the Author - ThanosCopter
ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.
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