Burbank, CA Seeking Federal Aid Dollars to Idiot-Proof City Before Arrival of DC Execs Didio and Harras
After a report on Comic Book Resources revealed that four top level DC Comics executives will be moving with the company from New York City to Burbank in 2015, the city government sprung into action to prepare for the arrival of morons like Dan Didio and Bob Harras. According to the report from CBR, Didio and Harras will be heading to Burbank along with Vertigo Editor Shelly Bond and Group Editor Eddie Berganza, but it's the legendary stupidity of Didio and Harras that has the city in a panic.
"We've got to put foam bumpers up on all the sharp corners," explained Mayor Emily Gabel-Luddy. "We can't have Bob Harras accidentally walking into one face first and suing us."
Gabel-Luddy told The Outhouse that the city would also need $1.2 million dollars to install childproof locks on cabinets containing toxic materials, and an additional $500k to purchase little plastic stubs to put in all the empty electrical sockets. The funding is expected to come from federal aid programs set up as part of the Americans with Pudding for Brains Act of 2006, a personal project of President George W. Bush.
"We've been in contact with authorities in New York to get a feel for what we're up against here," explained city manager Mark Scott. "They told us about one incident where Bob Harras became trapped in the revolving door of a Duane Reed pharmacy for seventy-two hours and needed to be removed using the jaws of life. We're looking into hiring more full time first responders and sending out informational pamphlets to citizens explaining how to deal with idiots and suffer fools."
While Didio's arrival in Burbank was mostly a forgone conclusion, most expected Harras to stay behind, both due to close ties the Editor in Chief has in the New York City area and also because of federal laws restricting the transport of dimwitted individuals across state lines. However, it looks like DC has pushed through the legal roadblocks, and Harras will be able to stay on as head of DC's Editorial Department. According to reports, the company has been conducting trial runs for the past few weeks to minimize the potential damage of putting Harras on an airplane.
Exclusive footage of Bob Harras's airplane training in preparation of Burbank move.
"Huh-hyuck!" laughed Harras when asked for comment on this story.
The Outhouse would like to express our deepest condolences to the citizens of Burbank for the tremendous amounts of stupidity they will be forced to endure in 2015 and beyond, and we advise them to bookmark HasDCDoneSomethingStupidToday.com and check it regularly to keep apprised of any dangerous outbreaks of dumbassery in the area.
The Outhouse is sponsored by Cinema Crazed: Celebrating Film Culture & Pop Culture.
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About the Author - Jude Terror
Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. Ironically, our webmaster, whose website skills know no end, has very little understanding of social networks or how they work. Regardless, you can find him on Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr, but would probably have the most luck just emailing him.
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