Comics journalists were in a state of panic on Thursday after learning that Marvel.com, the official website of Marvel Comics, had somehow scored an EXCLUSIVE on the casting of fat comedian Patton Oswalt as Agent Eric Koenig in Marvel's own floundering TV show, Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.. Formerly just a place to steal artwork for comic con announcements, Marvel.com has quickly risen in the ranks of comics blogs by somehow, inexplicably, nailing EXCLUSIVES on major announcements from Marvel, such as this EXCLUSIVE STORY about the casting of Adrian Pasdar as Glenn Talbott in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
"Bloody 'ell!" cried a frustrated Rich Johnston after learning that he had been scooped by Marvel. The Bleeding Cool rumormonger was unable to figure out where Marvel.com was getting its news, calling it "absolutely baffling."
"Oi worked 'ard for years to get me sources, Oi did!" an angry and worried Johnston told us. "Used to be a bloke 'ad to disguise 'imself as a potted plant and stand motionless in Joe Quesada's office for three days straight to get this kinda scoop, he did!"
"Pip pip," Johnston added, punctuating his remarks.
But Marvel.com didn't have to pretend to be a piece of shrubbery, nor did it need to put on a dress and speak in falsetto while posing as Dan Didio's secretary, another tactic perfected by Johnston. That hasn't stopped them from getting EXCLUSIVE after EXCLUSIVE, however, leading some journalists to wonder if the website isn't doing something illegal. However Marvel is getting their hands on these EXCLUSIVES, it's unnatural, and it may upset the delicate balance of the comics blogosphere.
"We rely on EXCLUSIVES from Marvel for traffic boosts, which in turn cause our webservers to display more full page background ads for Marvel comics, which in turn causes Marvel to pay us more advertising revenue," explained Jonah Weiland, founder of popular comics news site Comic Book Resources and vocalist for the Stone Temple Pilots. "What are these upstarts at Marvel.com doing to get access before us? I'm tempted to allow my writers to give a Marvel comic a less than five star review if they keep this up. We've got to play hardball, you know?"
"I'm not going to," Weiland added, "but I'm tempted."
Patton Oswalt, ranked by most sources as the fifth-funniest chubby comedian in the business today, will play Eric Koenig, one of Nick Fury's original World War 2 team, though he'll probably have a different origin in the show. No word yet on when the episode starring Oswalt will air. That secret is under tight guard, though sources tell us that Marvel.com is working around the clock to find out so they can reveal it in a follow up EXCLUSIVE report.
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About the Author - Jude Terror
Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. Ironically, our webmaster, whose website skills know no end, has very little understanding of social networks or how they work. Regardless, you can find him on Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr, but would probably have the most luck just emailing him.
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