Whenever an actress is cast in a role as a female comic book character, we're used to hearing Neanderthal fanboys complain that she's not sexy enough, doesn't have big enough boobs, or just in general doesn't meet the unrealistic expectations set by decades of exploitive comic book art depicting impossible female anatomy. But when young actress Camren Bicondova was cast as Selina Kyle in Fox's upcoming police procedural tween drama, Gotham, complaints began pouring in from the unlikeliest of sources: cats.
White cat privilege rears its ugly head.
"I CAN HAZ NEW ACTRES? DIS GURL IZ LACKIN ALL OV TEH QUALITIEZ DAT MAK UP TEH KAT SIDE OV KATWOMAN," said Sexism Cat, a beloved internet sensation. "WER IZ ALL TEH FUR? RETRACTABLE CLAWS? ENHANCD SENSE OV SMELL, SIGHT, AN HEARIN? AMIRITE?"
Sexism Cat told The Outhouse that he didn't think Bicondova would last long in a late night territorial battle in a back alley, and guessed that she had probably never eaten discarded fish carcasses from a dumpster. "SHE IZ NOT KAT ENUF 2 PULAY KATWOMAN!" he insisted.
All around the internet, the story is the same: cats refuse to accept Bicondova as their cherished superhero icon. "IF SHE WUZ 2 FALL FRUM TEH TOP OV DRESR, WUD SHE LAND ON HER FEET?" asked one cat. "IZ HER TONGUE COATD WIF 500 MICROMETR LONG BAKWARD FACIN PAPILLAE DESIGND 2 HALP HER GROOM HERSELF?" wondered another. Without even giving Bicondova a chance to prove herself as an actress, these cats have already rejected her. “HOW LOTZ DA NIPPLEZ DOEZ SHE HAS? 2? LULZ! REAL KATS HAS 8!”
The Outhouse was unable to confirm the number of Bicondova’s nipples, but we did learn that the actress does have an affinity for taking naps in sun-warmed patches of carpet, and has been known to purr affectionately when scratched behind her ears. However, it doesn't seem like cats, today at least, are ready to accept a human Catwoman. On the other hand, the arguments of these cats are about ten times more intelligent then the ones from idiots who think actresses don't have big enough tits to play Wonder Woman. Just sayin'.
"I hate Mondays," said superstar Garfield when asked for comment on the issue. He then demanded that The Outhouse provide him with several trays of lasagna, which he ate before settling down in his comfy cat bed and falling asleep.
Oh, right, there was a point to this. Here's the official reveal of Bicondova as Catwoman:
And here's some pics from the set: