Saturday, April 21, 2018 • Morning Edition • "For when you've got nowhere else to go."

EXCLUSIVE: Everyone on Internet Really Impressed With CBR's EXCLUSIVE Bunn and Churilla Interview

Written by Jude Terror on Tuesday, March 25 2014 and posted in News with Benefits

EXCLUSIVE: Everyone on Internet Really Impressed With CBR's EXCLUSIVE Bunn and Churilla Interview

The popular comics website was showered with praise, admiration, and sexual desire for nailing down an EXCLUSIVE interview with the Hellbreak creative team.

Source: CBR

People all over the internet were absolutely floored on Tuesday when popular comics website Comic Book Resources published an exclusive interview with Cullen Bunn and Brian Churilla, the creative team behind Hellbreak, a new ongoing series from Oni Press. Fans and fellow press agreed that getting the exclusive interview showed that CBR is super cool and important, and that the way the company casually mentioned it repeatedly in the headline and text of the article, being sure to put the word "exclusive" in italics whenever they used it was just the right amount of self-aggrandizement, showing that the website is well aware of its superior status, but is way too sophisticated to make too much of a big deal out of it.

CBR's interview as it appears in Jude Terror's DIGG reader feed. Notice that Bunn and Churilla spoke *exclusively* with CBR. NOTICE IT!


"Exclusive articles really get me hot," said one sexually attractive female reader after seeing the article. She added that the combination of power and prestige inherent in publishing an exclusive interview was probably the primary reason she found the article arousing, but noted that she might not have been as turned on if CBR had only mentioned the fact that the article was exclusive once or twice.

"Ooh yeah, I really liked the fact that CBR made sure to put EXCLUSIVE in all caps in the caption boxes below each exclusive preview Image," she told us in a sultry, breathless whisper.

In case the bright yellow watermark wasn't enough, CBR noted in the captions that their preview images were both EXCLUSIVE and early. Bask in the glory of their magnificent EXCLUSIVITY!

Nubile and attractive young women weren't the only ones who were totally blown away by CBR's article. According to our sources, 85% of people who read the article were more likely than before to consider Comic Book Resources a top destination for comic book news, while more than 95% of journalists said that reading the word exclusive so many times gave them deep feelings of inadequacy from which they may never recover.

"I might as well just hang up my journalism hat now," explained Gus Sterlingham, reporter for the borderline illegal content farm website as he removed an actual hat with the word JOURNALISM printed on it in comically large letters. "There's no way I'm ever going to be as awesome as CBR after this."

Other readers of the article admitted to fantasizing about CBR staff writer Alex Dueben, who they almost universally described as "probably tall, in shape but not too muscular, with playfully messy hair and dark eyes that pierce your soul." The readers told us that Dueben should probably win an Eisner for the fine specimen of an interview, if not a Pulitzer. But despite the unquestioning praise Dueben and CBR received for the article, most readers were unable to recall even a single detail about the actual book being discussed.

The article was so fucking exclusive, it only got one comment in the hour since it was posted, as most readers were too stunned to do anything other than gape slack-jawed at the screen after experiencing such a monumentally exclusive event.

"I guess I was just too distracted by how exclusive the article was," explained one reader who was still clearly in a state of shock after experiencing what could only be described as the most exclusive reading experience in the history of written language. "I just kept thinking, man, you can't read this anywhere else but on CBR, you know? The headline is exclusive, the words are exclusive, the pictures are exclusive... I feel like Kanye or something, you know? Just a super important, exclusive dude reading an exclusive article on an exclusive website. A real big shot."

At press time, jealous website had downloaded all of the exclusive images of Hellbreak from CBR's website using advanced computer hacking techniques and were planning to publish them in an article making fun of the website, as if it were possible to simply download exclusive images and post them somewhere else without repercussions. The fools!

If you want to know more about Cullen Bunn and Brian Churilla's Hellbreak, head over to CBR and read the exclusive interview. But ladies, bring an extra pair of panties if you do - they're going to get soaked when you see how exclusive it really is. Men, you're going to have to find a pair of panties, put them on, and then go get an extra pair as well.


Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

More articles from Jude Terror
The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!