DC Comics freelancers were delighted Wednesday morning to receive an invitation to a fancy Mystery Dinner at DC Comics headquarters via a letter sent by DC Entertainment President Diane Nelson. "DC Entertainment is committed to its talent," the letter began. "We have the best, brightest and most creative partners in any entertainment industry, and we are deeply invested in strengthening, expanding and energizing how we work together to create the comics we and our fans love."
To celebrate this relationship, Nelson invited all recipients to attend an elaborate murder-mystery themed dinner party this Friday night at DC's New York offices. In addition to the invite, the letter also invited freelancers to answer a survey about their DC Comics working experience, which "will help us to better understand and identify what we are doing well and where we can make improvements in how we work with you to create great comics. Your responses to this survey will be anonymous and are vital to us as we address our organization and our creative process."
Though the invitation is for the part well-received, some freelancers have expressed concern at the wording of some of the questions. "I thought some of the questions, like 'What are some of the things you like most about working for DC Comics?' were okay," reportedly said one freelancer, superstar writer Charles Soule. "But I was a little disturbed by "Rank, on a scale of 1 to 10, how prepared you would be for a seemingly innocent dinner party to turn into an elaborate death trap designed to weed out and destroy the enemies of DC Comics.' That one has me a little worried."
According to Nelson, the concerns are laughable. "Come on," she told The Outhouse as she sharpened several large, menacing knives. "Are you really suggesting that the head of a major multinational comic book publisher would invite freelancers to a dinner party under the guise of improving company/employee relations just so that she could root out troublemakers via obvious survey questions and then subject them to painful and gruesome deaths that will serve as both retribution and a warning to others present that they had better toe the company line, or else?"
"I mean, that would be ridiculous," Nelson added as she secured a box full of poisonous snakes on a hook above the table where the dinner will take place later this week.
"This is just a simple dinner party, meant to celebrate the excellent working relationship we have with our writers and artists. Nothing more," she concluded while testing a trap door underneath one of the chairs that led to a 20 foot deep pit with giant spikes at the bottom.
At press time, Nelson was loading poison darts into hidden blowguns aimed directly at the reserved seat of Matt Kindt, who reportedly answered "needs some improvement" to a question about the efficiency of communication between DC editorial and its freelancers. The Outhouse will keep you updated on this story, including further information on a tip we received about the publisher ordering a large quantity of rotating circular saw blades of they type that could be projected from hidden crevices in a wall.