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Marvel Continues "Making Up Numbers" Trend With Announcement of Amazing Spider-Man #1 "Sales"

Written by Jeff Moss on Wednesday, April 02 2014 and posted in News with Benefits

Marvel Continues

Amazing Spider-Man #1 Sells 500,000 Copies Before Even Being Purchased

Source: An EXCLUSIVE Article on The Outhousers

Marvel Comics today shocked the comic book world and topped even themselves by making up the number "500,000" and applying it to fictional sales of the first issue of their upcoming Amazing Spider-Man relaunch. 
"Yeah, that totally seems right. Perfectly legit" stated Marvel marketer Mark Attar. "I mean, doesn't it sound cool just to say it? 'Five... Hundred... Thousand.'" 
He then stared off into space for a few moments, presumably attempting to imagine an even larger, more complicated number. 
The concept of making up numbers is not new to Marvel. In recent months, the alleged publisher has released comic books with the laughable (and apparently not a joke) fictional numbers "001.INH" and "#24 #1 All New Marvel NOW." 
"We knew we were pushing things by adding numerical decimal-point-words" continued Attar. "But clearly numbers on comic books don't mean anything anymore, right? So why not take the next step, shift that paradigm, grab some low-hanging fruit and apply made up numbers to everything involving comic books?"
Many comic book readers were initially impressed by the high sales number. They were then confused due to the fact that not one single person has actually bought Amazing Spider-Man #1.
"Whoa, 500,000? That's crazy! I better buy at least 20 of those copies!" Exclaimed Oregon comic-book buyer Scott Redfield. "But, wait... is that book even out yet? ah, who cares... all I can say is it better be polybagged!" 
High level executives at Marvel could not be reached as they could not hear the phone ringing over the sounds of them patting themselves on the back, but rumor has it that they are working hard to make sure that the first issue of their next big crossover event, Original Sin #1.SKLJAFHKDHG, sells over 50 bajillion-katillion copies. 
More on this story as it develops. 
...Or in a couple of weeks when someone actually buys a copy of Amazing Spider-Man #1. 

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About the Author - Jeff Moss

While most kids spend their days dreaming of being firemen or astronauts, Jeff Moss was firmly holed up in his room with a stack of comic books, shying away from natural light. Jeff co-founded No Reason Comics with Dan Simon in 2006 as a way to get all the comic book groupies. Crushed when he found out they didn’t exist, Jeff turned his attention to his second love, radio. Along with Donnie Coulter, he started The Watchtower Comic Book Show. In 2009, Jeff uprooted his life and made the arduous trek to the mythological land of Montreal, where he became the General Manager of The 4th Wall, a new breed of comic shop. Jeff also works as an editor on Gutters, a twice-weekly comic that parodies the entirety of the comic book world. Jeff lives with his Transformers and girlfriend Amy in a house with an office that can best be described as cave-like, and has aspirations to one day create something as wonderful as stuffed-crust pizza.

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