Saturday, December 20, 2014 • Evening Edition • "But first you're gonna blow me!"

S.H.I.E.L.D. Producers Blame Bison Flight From Yellowstone Volcano for Ratings Low

Written by Jude Terror on Thursday, April 03 2014 and posted in News with Benefits

S.H.I.E.L.D. Producers Blame Bison Flight From Yellowstone Volcano for Ratings Low

As the ratings for Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. hit another all time low, producers are blaming the pending eruption of the Yellowstone super volcano.


Source: TV By The Numbers

Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. ratings hit an all time low again this week, scoring a 1.8 share in the 18-49 demographic with 5.87 million total viewers. The show, which was already double canceled the last time it hit a ratings low, seemed to rebound two weeks ago as fans and critics agreed it aired its best episode ever. However, S.H.I.E.L.D. has fallen back into its usual slump and it seems that nothing can stop the ratings slow decline.

Rather than accept responsibility, the show's producers are blaming everything on fears that the supervolcano at Yellowstone National Park will soon erupt. The producers cite fearmongering articles from websites such as Alex Jones' Infowars that have been circulating around Facebook this week, claiming a video showing bison fleeing the park is either evidence of or will cause the pending eruption. If true, the cataclysmic eruption would bury large portions of the United States under volcanic ash and drastically affect the Earth's climate.

"Just look at all those big cows running down the street," said S.H.I.E.L.D. executive producer, screenwriter, and beneficiary of nepotism, Jed Whedon. "There's got to be like, a hundred cows there, at least."

Whedon suggested that the "cows" would be at home watching S.H.I.E.L.D. on Tuesday nights if not for the pending eruption. "I don't mean to diminish their plight," Whedon clarified. "I feel for those cows who have lost their homes. But it doesn't help our ratings problem, is all I'm saying."

Fellow executive producer and vowel addict Maurissa Tancharoen concurred with Whedon's assessment. "We're seeing a huge drop in the cow demographic," Tancharoen explained. "Huge. Everyone knows cows don't have DVRs, so those are lost views, period."

When asked whether the show's constant, inexplicable month-long breaks without new episodes might be contributing to the drops, or perhaps the fact that the first half of the season was so divorced from fan expectations and anything resembling the Marvel cinematic universe that it might as well have been called Law and Order: In An Airplane, Tancharoen scoffed. "I think a professional Hollywood producer knows a little bit more about cows than some clueless blogger," she told us while gesturing at the bison. "I mean, come on." Whedon laughed in agreement.

We didn't bother suggesting that perhaps the real problem was that the Parks Department is showing Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. at Yellowstone, and that's what the bison are fleeing from, but we're pretty sure that seems more plausible.

Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. airs Tuesdays on ABC at 8PM Eastern, unless that Tuesday falls on a day of the month divisible by three, the moon is in the waning cycle, or it's raining out somewhere. At least we think that's how they decide when to show new episodes. We'd encourage you to tune in, but the evidence indicates you probably won't be.






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About the Author - Jude Terror


Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably.  Ironically, our webmaster, whose website skills know no end, has very little understanding of social networks or how they work.  Regardless, you can find him on Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr, but would probably have the most luck just emailing him.

 


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