Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. ratings hit an all time low again this week, scoring a 1.8 share in the 18-49 demographic with 5.87 million total viewers. The show, which was already double canceled the last time it hit a ratings low, seemed to rebound two weeks ago as fans and critics agreed it aired its best episode ever. However, S.H.I.E.L.D. has fallen back into its usual slump and it seems that nothing can stop the ratings slow decline.
Rather than accept responsibility, the show's producers are blaming everything on fears that the supervolcano at Yellowstone National Park will soon erupt. The producers cite fearmongering articles from websites such as Alex Jones' Infowars that have been circulating around Facebook this week, claiming a video showing bison fleeing the park is either evidence of or will cause the pending eruption. If true, the cataclysmic eruption would bury large portions of the United States under volcanic ash and drastically affect the Earth's climate.
"Just look at all those big cows running down the street," said S.H.I.E.L.D. executive producer, screenwriter, and beneficiary of nepotism, Jed Whedon. "There's got to be like, a hundred cows there, at least."
Whedon suggested that the "cows" would be at home watching S.H.I.E.L.D. on Tuesday nights if not for the pending eruption. "I don't mean to diminish their plight," Whedon clarified. "I feel for those cows who have lost their homes. But it doesn't help our ratings problem, is all I'm saying."
Fellow executive producer and vowel addict Maurissa Tancharoen concurred with Whedon's assessment. "We're seeing a huge drop in the cow demographic," Tancharoen explained. "Huge. Everyone knows cows don't have DVRs, so those are lost views, period."
When asked whether the show's constant, inexplicable month-long breaks without new episodes might be contributing to the drops, or perhaps the fact that the first half of the season was so divorced from fan expectations and anything resembling the Marvel cinematic universe that it might as well have been called Law and Order: In An Airplane, Tancharoen scoffed. "I think a professional Hollywood producer knows a little bit more about cows than some clueless blogger," she told us while gesturing at the bison. "I mean, come on." Whedon laughed in agreement.
We didn't bother suggesting that perhaps the real problem was that the Parks Department is showing Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. at Yellowstone, and that's what the bison are fleeing from, but we're pretty sure that seems more plausible.
Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. airs Tuesdays on ABC at 8PM Eastern, unless that Tuesday falls on a day of the month divisible by three, the moon is in the waning cycle, or it's raining out somewhere. At least we think that's how they decide when to show new episodes. We'd encourage you to tune in, but the evidence indicates you probably won't be.