This morning, news started making its way around the web that the variant cover theme at DC for the month of July will be... BATMAN! DC has had a lot of success selling comics with Batman in them, but even Batman can't be in every book. He can certainly be on them, though. Man, we're really gonna skewer this one. I've got... wait, what?
Sorry folks, it looks like Newsarama mogul Lucas Siegel beat us to the punch on this one, stealing our shtick with his article titled "DC Announces Plans to Put Batman on Almost Every Cover in July 2014." Here's an excerpt:
If there's one character that needs more exposure, it's Batman. Thankfully, for his 75th anniversary, DC Comics, that company that took its name from the comic book Batman first appeared in, is giving Batman the spotlight he needs - and the spotlight he deserves.
Coming in July 2014, twenty-one DC Comics will feature Batman on the cover, showing a marked increase from the standard 10-15 per month.
Ok, that's pretty funny. But now what the fuck are we supposed to do? I guess we'll just steal Newsarama's shtick right back.
Let's start over.
Great news, folks! Our friends at DC Comics have EXCLUSIVELY allowed us to EXCLUSIVELY reveal that July is BATMONTH at DC Comics! That's right, readers, DC's monthly offerings for the month of July will feature variant covers featuring THE DARK KNIGHT, drawn by a cavalcade of superstar artists like Jim Steranko, Klaus Janson, Walt Simonson, Sean Murphy, and others!
Jim Steranko's Detective Comics #33 variant - even BATMAN gets a BATMAN variant cover!
We here at The Outhouse think this is a fantastic idea, and we've invited DC Co-Publisher Dan Didio to join us to discuss what this means for DC, its fans, and the future of the comic book industry.
Outhousarama: Hi Dan, it's great to see you again.
Dan Didio: You will address me as Lord Didio!
OH: Yes, Lord Didio!
DD: Make this quick. I've got things to do.
OH: Lord Didio, first of all, let us just say how awesome BATMONTH looks. What a great idea! How did you come up with it?
DD: Well, it's simple. You see, July has four letters. As we all know, four times thirteen is fifty-two, the magical number that drives all of DC's publishing decisions. But thirteen is also a number that means bad luck. What else is bad luck? Black cats. Which insanely popular and beloved superhero has a thing for black cats?
DD (slaps Jude Terror): What did you say?
OH: Batman! Batman!
DD (raises hand again): What?
OH (cowering): Batman, Lord Didio!
DD: That's what I thought. So naturally, it wouldn't make sense to have anyone else on the covers for July. Now ask me some more questions.
OH: Oh, well, do you think that putting Batman on the covers is kind of a --
DD: No no no. I didn't mean ask your questions.
OH: Don't hit us.
DD (handing Jude Terror a sheet of questions): Here, ask these questions.
OH (reading): Ummm... What do you think readers will like more about BATMONTH: collecting all the Batman variant covers, or collecting two copies of all the Batman variant covers?
DD: That's a great question. I think that a lot of readers are definitely going to enjoy collecting all of the Batman variant covers. They're bound to look great in any collection. That being said, collecting two copies of all the covers should be double the fun. To be safe, everyone should probably just buy three copies.
OH (still reading): What's the most important aspect of coming up with variant cover gimmicks: being really smart and knowledgeable about comics, fans, and the publishing business, or being... extremely handsome?
DD: Ha ha ha! You flatter me, Outhousers. Of course, being smart and knowledgeable about the business is the most important quality in a DC executive. Sometimes people say that we're too smart for our own good, which is why readers sometimes have trouble understanding how great our ideas are.
DD: But we're so smart that we know they're going to do that, so we don't let it bother us. We just keep doing the same things over and over. Eventually, people will get it.
OH: So it's better to be smart than... handsome.
DD: Luckily, I don't need to choose. I was blessed with brains and looks.
OH: How do you come up with such great ideas?
DD: It isn't easy. DC executives work around the clock coming up with ways to sell more comic books. Variant covers. Themed variant covers. 3D variant covers. Making variant covers the regular covers and the regular covers the variants. It's a very diverse and nuanced strategy.
OH: Have you ever thought about just making good comics?
DD (snatching away the list of questions): That's not on here! This interview is over! DC will be taking our EXCLUSIVE interviews to CBR from now on. Good day, sir.
OH: No! Wait! Please! We're sorry! We didn't mean it! Lord Didio!!!
DD: I said good day!
OH: All by myself... don't want to be all by myseeellllf.
OH: Fuck... Anyone in the mood for a top five list?
Wow, that didn't go so well. I guess it's not as easy as we thought to be Newsarama. I think that we've come out of this experience with a newfound respect for Newsarama, and especially Lucas Siegel. How does he put up with that kind of abuse, run a major comic website, and still find time to steal our shtick? You're an amazing man, Lucas Siegel. Anytime you want to jump off that sinking ship and come work for The Outhouse, let me know. We'll give you double my salary.
Wait, what? I don't get paid?
Lucas! Do you room for one more over there?! Please see my writing sample, posted above.
Folks, look for Batman variant covers this July on ACTION COMICS #33, AQUAMAN #33, BATGIRL #33, BATMAN #33, BATMAN AND ROBIN #33, BATMAN/SUPERMAN #13, BATWOMAN #33, DETECTIVE COMICS #33, EARTH 2 #25, GRAYSON #1, GREEN LANTERN #33, GREEN LANTERN CORPS #33, HARLEY QUINN #8, JUSTICE LEAGUE #33, JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK #33, JUSTICE LEAGUE UNITED #3, SUPERMAN #33, SUPERMAN/WONDER WOMAN #10, TEEN TITANS #1, THE FLASH #33, and WONDER WOMAN #33!