Source: Latino Review
Greetings, comrades, it is I, El Presidente, reporting to you live from between Jay Z and Solange Knowles. Why? Because a rumor THIS big can only be properly punctuated by punching Jay Z in the face! What's that, Solange, you'll take care of that while I blog about this BIG scoop? Well, if you insist!
My friends, I have a reliable source that tells me that Marvel Studios wants Zac Efron. While my inferior competition at Latino Review claims that it's for some sort of unspecified movie role, I can tell you for a fact that the entire studio simply wants the actor in a sexual manner. You see, Marvel treated its employees to a showing of the movie Neighbors last week as a thank you for all their hard work, and upon seeing Zac Efron run around in nothing but a pair of very scandalous short shorts, the entire staff is now lusting for the actor in an entirely sexual fashion. That's right, every Marvel Studios employee, from the secretaries all the way up to studio head Kevin Feige, wants to ride Zac Efron like a merry go round with a whole lot of poles.
And who can blame them when he looks like this?
Marvel declined to comment on the story, probably because they're too busy daydreaming about invading Efron's Bay of Pigs.
Well, Jay-Z's bodyguard is looking a bit upset, so I better take my leave. I better activate my high-tech Cuban stealth device that hides me from all cameras, just in case. Until next time, my friends!
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About the Author - El Presidente
El Presidente gave up his position as President and Prime Minister of Cuba, as well as First Secretary of Cuba's Communist Party, in 2008 in order to concentrate on his true love: Hollywood gossip reporting. Forming the rumor website Cubano Review, El Presidente built a name for himself based on over THREE DOZEN industry credited trade scoops. Unfortunately, capitalist American trade embargoes have rendered CubanoReview.com unreachable from within the United States, forcing El Presidente to syndicate his articles to The Outhouse, which flies under the radar of the American oligarchy thanks to most leaders assuming it is a scat porn site, which, to be fair, is basically true.
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