Source: Eden Sher's Twitter
Greeting comrades, it is I, El Presidente, reporting to you live from the rooftop of Daniel Sterling's swank, luxurious LA home. Why? Because I need to urinate, and this seems like a very appropriate spot to do it.
Friends, I have learned that Eden Sher, the talented actress from ABC's The Middle, has met with Marvel for a secret role that left her "paralyzed with excitement". While other inferior sites could only speculate on the role, I have used my 1960s Cuban spy equipment and natural machismo to obtain EXCLUSIVE details and SCOOP the competition. Yes, I, El Presidente, can EXCLUSIVELY confirm that Marvel wants the beautiful Ms. Sher to play Fin Fang Foom.
"But, El Presidente," you say. "Why would Marvel want a gorgeous and talented actress to play such a hideous monster?" Well, the reason is twofold. One, Marvel has discovered that casting beautiful people as weird creatures seems to work out well for them. Look at Bradley Cooper playing Rocket Racoon, or Glenn Close playing Drax the Destroyer. Both beautiful people, both hideous roles. Secondly, Marvel has seen how well Godzilla did in theatres, and wants their own major monster movie.
I asked my good friend and hero to the Cuban people, Godzilla, about Sher and her potential new role. "BRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRR," he said. Of course he approves! After all, Eden Sher has the acting chops and the dramatic presence to play such a fierce and dangerous creature on the big screen. And anyone who's watched The Middle knows that she has the comedic timing needed to pull off Marvel's biggest character.
Since no one else is confirming my report, you'll just have to trust that a retired Cuban dictator is reporting the truth on a site named after a shitter. Now, if you excuse me, I hear Sterling yelling about something, and I wish to record it so I can sell it to TMZ. Even retired heroes of communism need to eat!
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About the Author - El Presidente
El Presidente gave up his position as President and Prime Minister of Cuba, as well as First Secretary of Cuba's Communist Party, in 2008 in order to concentrate on his true love: Hollywood gossip reporting. Forming the rumor website Cubano Review, El Presidente built a name for himself based on over THREE DOZEN industry credited trade scoops. Unfortunately, capitalist American trade embargoes have rendered CubanoReview.com unreachable from within the United States, forcing El Presidente to syndicate his articles to The Outhouse, which flies under the radar of the American oligarchy thanks to most leaders assuming it is a scat porn site, which, to be fair, is basically true.
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