Greetings, comrades, it is I, your El Presidente, blogging to you live from eastern Ukraine. I've been asked by my good friends Vladm-- I mean, I have come out of the goodness of my heart to observe the presidential election here and stuff ba-- I mean, observe that the country has a clean, fair and impartial election.
But enough with reinstituing a satellite state for the USSR, I have a really thick and juicy scoop for you. Latino Review, that scurrilous and flaccid website, has reported that Charlie Cox is set to play Matt Murdock in the upcoming Daredevil Netflix television series. Just when I was ready to dismiss it as a premature rumor, Variety rammed the rumor home with their own report!
So just who is Charlie Cox? He was the dreamy lead in Stardust and played Owen Sleater in HBO's fantastic Boardwalk Empire. While I find his acting to be a little stiff at times, I'm sure he'll be able to stand up and deliver a rousing perform....
My friends, I have just been informed by an impartial observer that several of my word choices for this article could somehow be interpreted as a play of words relating to certain "alternative meanings" for Mr. Cox's last name. I am disgusted and horrified that anyone would think that I, a decorated military and world leader, would stoop so low as to mock a man simply for having a name that could refer to a male chicken! Why, if not for my long and evenly proportioned rule as the president of Cuba, I would have a mind to take a stick and beat anyone who would suggest such a thing.
Friends, my feelings have been hurt, and so I must depart. I have several hundred thousand ballots in front of me, and I want to ensure that they get into their correct homes. Until next time, comrades!
UPDATE: Marvel has indeed confirmed that Charlie Cox will be starring in Daredevil. This will be his most challenging role since pretending that he wasn't instantly in love with Claire Danes in Stardust, so he better put on his sunglasses and start looking at people's foreheads when he talks to them.