White house staffers have been working around the clock in the wake of a major faux pax in a memo intended to inform press of the names of government officials participating in President Obama's trip to Afghanistan this past weekend. Much to the chagrin of the president and his administration, the memo revealed both the identity of the CIA station chief in charge of operations in Afghanistan, as well as key spoilers for the recently released X-Men: Days of Future Past. It is unknown how the name of a top level CIA agent, normally kept confidential for security reasons, could make its way into a public document without anyone catching the mistake, but even more galling that the memo would contain completely unrelated information about a popular superhero movie which had only been in theaters for one day.
The mistake was first noticed by Washington Post reporter Scott Wilson, who distributed the list as part of something called a "pool report," which is a special report delivered to people who are reading newspapers while swimming. Wilson explained to The Outhouse that it's common for the White House to distribute lists of officials involved in trips, but the names of intelligence officers are usually withheld. "It was odd," Wilson said, "but the real kicker was when the memo got into President Obama's thoughts on the X-Men movie, which contained numerous plot details without even a spoiler warning."
"I mean, come on," Wilson added, indignant.
Wilson reported the error to White House staff, but not before the memo made its way throughout the entire white house press corps, their family members, friends, and associates, ruining the potential enjoyment of of the film for everyone who read it. In addition, all of those people were also made aware of the name of the station chief, which most agreed was pretty bad too.
"I'm not saying one was worse than the other," Wilson pointed out, "but, you know, a lot of people were really looking forward to that movie."
In a statement released on Tuesday, President Obama apologized for the snafu, citing the pressure of being the leader of the free world and the excitement of the latest installment in the X-Men franchise as contributing factors. "I'm, uh, really sorry about that," said a contrite POTUS. "And I only hope that, when it's revealed that a time traveling Wolverine is actually his own grandfather, moviegoers are... Dammit. I did it again, didn't I?"
To make amends, the president sent a personal letter of apology to the outed station chief, but he ended up just adding insult to injury when the letter, amazingly, also contained spoilers for X-Men: Days of Future Past. In addition, the letter listed even more personally identifying information about the station chief, including his social security and credit card numbers, and, due to an unbelievable clerical letter, a copy of the letter was also accidentally sent to Al Qaeda headquarters. While the terrorists were pleased to receive information that aided their extremist cause, sources tell The Outhouse that they were very upset to have the ending of X-Men: Days of Future Past spoiled for them.
Stay tuned to The Outhouse for updates on this situation as it continues to worsen.