Greetings! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting from inside the toasty corpse of a recently deceased tauntaun! I'm writing today to bring you some major scoops form the set of Star Wars Episode 7!
First up, there's some official casting announcements. Lupita Nyong'o, who played Patsy in 12 Years a Slave, has been cast and is rumored to play a descendent of Obi Wan Kenobi! Gwendoline Christie, known for her role as Brienne of Tarth in Game of Thrones, has been cast in an unknown role as well. As the former dictator of post-revolutionary nation, I hesitate to throw the word coup around, but my friends, scoring an actress from a show as popular as game of thrones can't be described as anything else!
But that's not all I've got for you today!
Comrades, I've learned that Marvel Comics executive editor Tom Brevoort has been cast in a walk-on role as well. The news comes from some leaked set pictures that hit the web this morning. Here, you can see Brevoort sunning himself in the desert in-between filming:
He looks like he's lost some weight, comrades! Haw haw haw!
If you look closely, you can see another recent edition to the cast, a giant fucking TMZ logo. This logo has made its way into all of the shots over at TMZ's gallery, which you can view here.
Of course, I would have had them up on Cubano-Review, the world's number one Latino-themed Hollywood gossip site, but your country's flagrant disregard for the principles of net neutrality, along with sour grapes over that whole Bay of Pigs thing, has seriously hampered our bandwidth! In Cuba, everyone has equally slow dial-up connections that are paid for using the billions of AOL free trial CD-roms we collected as part of our communist agenda in the 1990s.
So while I continue to try to get those website issues sorted out, stay tuned to The Outhouse, where I will continue to report on the latest movie news and rumors and rack up Hollywood points! Hasta la vista!
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About the Author - El Presidente
El Presidente gave up his position as President and Prime Minister of Cuba, as well as First Secretary of Cuba's Communist Party, in 2008 in order to concentrate on his true love: Hollywood gossip reporting. Forming the rumor website Cubano Review, El Presidente built a name for himself based on over THREE DOZEN industry credited trade scoops. Unfortunately, capitalist American trade embargoes have rendered CubanoReview.com unreachable from within the United States, forcing El Presidente to syndicate his articles to The Outhouse, which flies under the radar of the American oligarchy thanks to most leaders assuming it is a scat porn site, which, to be fair, is basically true.
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