So in last week's Batman Eternal #7 fans were introduced to a new character. It caused a flurry of fans speculating on the identity of the character. "The only answer it can be is Renee Montoya. I mean they have to reintroduce her sooner or later right?" said Angus MacStickinbutt, still a very loyal DC Comics fan hoping for his favorite character (poor guy), in our previous article on the subject.
"Obviously this supposedly new character is a love-child born of Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson's hidden affair before he left as a Robin." Professor Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms, a noted historian of DC New 52 stated. "This is obviously the Original Sin that DC is cross-promoting."
Close, but no cigar.
"I GOT IT!!!! ALIENS!!! This new character introduced in Batman Eternal #7 is parented by aliens, setting up Batman's inevitable fifty-two part storyline.. Batman IN SPACE!!!!!!"
Okay, so you want to know who it really is? Spoilers are below!
This mystery character, who knows Batman, shows up to spoil his interrogation of a Chinese crime lord. Skipping past jargon and getting to the point. The issue ends with the mystery lady's identity revealed: Julia Pennyworth, the long-lost daughter of Alfred the butler. Learning that Julia has the same last name as Alfred, Batman has the same reaction as any of us would have if we met a person with the same last name as one of our employees - he kidnaps her.
"HA! VICTORY!" 80 year-old virgin and dedicated fan Herman Fuddyduddy proclaimed. "I remember back in the day when Julia was first introduced. Fell gloriously in love with her. And she was..." Unfortunately Herman fell asleep before he could continue on with his statement.
Thankfully, here's the brief history of this "new" character. Julia Pennyworth was introduced Pre-Crisis in Detective Comics #501. She was the result of Alfred's pimping days as a British Spy who got it on with former World War II veteran Mademoiselle Marie. Due to her adventurous lifestyle, young Julia was actually raised by a friend of Marie's Jacques Remarque. After Jacques dying, Julia sought out her father, found him, and was a supporting character in the Batman books until her final appearance in Batman #400. The character was then wiped away due to a little something called Crisis on Infinite Earths.
But now she's back, laying to rest once and for all the question of whether or not Alfred has been laid in the Nu52. The answer is: yes. At least once. And he didn't use protection. This also explains why he insists Batman keep a giant condom next to the big penny in the batcave. It serves as a reminder to all of us - don't be silly; protect your willy.
Or, perhaps more apropos, if you're gonna go bobbin', wrap up your Robin.
Wise words from a wise man. Batman Eternal is in stores every week from now until eternity.