Written by Jude Terror
on Thursday, June 12 2014 and posted in News with Benefits
The new documentary from Paramount will serve as a preemptive eulogy for the franchise Michael Bay plans to destroy with his movie.
Source: Heat Vision
According to a report on Heat Vision, Paramount will release Turtle Power: The Definitive History of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on August 12 to tie-in with the release of Michael Bay's abominable TMNT film, which hits theaters four days later. The documentary, a brainchild of fans Isaac Elliott-Fisher, Mark Hussey, and Randall Lobb, features interviews with Turtles creators Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman, as well as original movie director Steve Barron and original movie costume designer Brian Henson, amongst others. Available on digital HD and DVD, the documentary aims to celebrate thirty years of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in preparation for the utter destruction of the franchise at the hands of Bay.
At a press conference announcing the release of the movie, a crowd of Turtle fans and reporters gathered to celebrate their love of all things green in the face of Bay's impending nightmare. However, the conference was interrupted when Bay himself appeared in a cloud of foul black smoke and began shooting lightning bolts from his fingers at the attendees, sending the crowd fleeing in terror.
"I come to bury the Turtles, not to praise them," said Bay before revealing that the turtles would be changed to middle aged Martians with MMA skills in his upcoming movie. Bay then grabbed a nearby fan and sucked out his childhood, in the form of a visible, ghostly mist, directly out through the fan's mouth. He cackled madly before flying away, leaving the fan a miserable, shivering wreck.
"Ahahahahaha!" laughed Bay, flapping his gigantic bat-wings in the distance.
Here's the trailer for the documentary:
Michael Bay's TMNT will destroy everything you know and love about the Turtles on August 16.
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About the Author - Jude Terror
Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.
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