Image Comics sent out a press release this week showing off new art for Spread, an upcoming horror comic from Justin Jordan and Kyle Strahm. The press release is basically written in The Outhouse's signature style of tongue-in-cheek silliness, which not only makes us want to post it, but also thwarts any attempt at making fun of it by beating us to the punch. Well played, Image. Well played.
Kat Salazar, if you ever want to moonlight as an Outhouse writer (you can even use a fake name and take pot shots at rival companies), let us know!
Here's the press release:
THERE IS NO ESCAPING THE SPREAD
Early artwork reveals The Spread epidemic has begun, retailers must submit their orders before they too are infected
Image Comics has received numerous reports from retailers fearful of The Spread, a poisonous organism that was first unleashed by Justin Jordan (DEAD BODY ROAD, Luther Strode) and Kyle Strahm (HACK/SLASH, HAUNT) in April when they announced their new science-fiction thriller, SPREAD. Soon thereafter #ItsSpreading went viral on various social media networks and the horrifying realization that the new series was upon us all manifested in feedback from various comic book stores afflicted by the unstoppable deadly red growth.
At the time of this press release, Jordan and Strahm could not be reached to comment on their role in this epidemic, as both are allegedly seeking refuge in a quarantined bunker where they work on issue #2 in a race against the clock.
Retailers however, were forthright in sharing their stories of SPREAD-related terror.
Jon Engel of New Dimension Comics in Pennsylvania was the first to come forward and was the canary in the coal mine for many of his fellow retailers. "Oh my God, while showing someone our new comic wall we kept noticing a space in the 'S' section," Engel said of the first sign something was amiss in the store. "We would fill it, then it would reappear! Finally out of the corner of my eye I saw these crazy red tentacles making the space! I was so freaked out I went and put in my order for Spread #1! Maybe if I fill it, it will stop."
"The Spread is in everyone's saver,” admitted Trina Latrine of World’s Best Comics, Cartoons & Toys in California. “There are red tentacles in everyone's saver and I'm not sure what to do, I haven't been able to get in there for weeks. My customers can't wait for The Spread to come out… literally."
Steve Anderson of Third Eye Comics in Maryland cautions the public on cross-contamination. "The excitement has been SPREADING from our staff to our customers,” said Anderson. “And with hungry tendrils all around, I knew that the only cure would be to order lots and lots of Spread #1 to keep the infection at bay."
One Lauren Becker of Warp 9 Comics & Collectibles in Michigan recounted her experience with The Spread with particular urgency. "I started hearing rumors about The Spread. I didn't think anything of it, but then the rumors started, bringing along fear and panic. Customers came in—‘where is The Spread’ they shrieked in terror. ‘It's not here yet,’ I responded, ‘but soon… and may God have mercy upon your soul.’”
For some stores, it was much worse: "Lena handed me the sheet to restock our back issue bins,” Steve Olsen, of Little Shop of Comics in New Jersey explained. “I proceeded down the steps to our store’s basement, flicked on the lights, and at that moment I heard something out of the ordinary. I cautiously proceeded to the back of the basement and noticed some residue on the floor. As I knelt down to get a feel for it, I noticed a red tip that started growing. As it got closer to me I realized The Spread was here! Its long, ugly tentacle chased me until I was back upstairs and I told Lena: ‘We need to order more of Spread #1!’”
"Spread is infecting MaximuM Comics' new release walls throughout Las Vegas—and making its diseased way into Pull Boxes everywhere!” said Jay Bosworth of MaximuM Comics in Nevada, in between gasps for air. “The vile sickness that is The Spread will grab hold of you, shatter your senses and leave you dying for more. The only cure? Make sure you order enough for your walls, too!!"
Ryan Boyle at Coliseum of Comics in Florida cleared off a space on the store’s shelves for SPREAD after experiencing a terrifying confrontation with The Spread that he chose not to elaborate on further. He said only, “After The Spread made its presence known, the terrifying red entity’s existence alone was reason enough for us to order up while we still had the chance.” For those in search of sanctuary he added, “Our stores stand ready to harbour any victims or people looking for refuge from The Spread, from 10 a.m. - 9 p.m. on most weekdays.”
SPREAD #1 will overtake all stores nationwide on 7/9. It can be pre-ordered with Diamond Code: MAY140579. Final Order Cutoff for retailers is 6/16. For those still unconvinced of the gravity of the situation, see the below artwork.
Oh yeah, there's a comic here too. It looks pretty cool. Here's some pages: