Welcome to the first annual, year-long, Outhouse ComiCon, your first, best, and only stop for “honest” comic book announcements. And, by “honest” we, of course, mean “what we heard.” Outhouse Editor in Chief Christian Hoffer explained it best when Jude Terror made up this quote:
It's a year-long event where we can announce whatever we want with no regard for facts because satire, mother fuckers!
Mr. Hoffer continued; “Hey San Diego, tell me how my ass tastes!”
Not only is the OHCC welcome respite from comic book double speak, but it will also be a safe haven for all comic book fans, cosplayers (even the uggos), troglodytes, and other outcasts (as long as they are not Dutch) tired of played out comic book convention scene that is more about bad touches and television than it is about comic books and basement decorating ideas.
We couldn’t be more excited for our first EXCLUSIVE announcement; Marvel 2015 (first) Summer Event - Heroes vs. Price Points. First up was Joe Quesada, Chief Creative Officer of Marvel Entertainment:
Joe Quesada: Heroes vs. Price Points will be the culmination of five weeks’ worth of build-up across twenty-seven different Marvel comics that will change the face of the Marvel Universe forever! Although we do not actually know what those plot points will be, or even if they will make any kind of sense when read as a part of a larger story, we are very excited to charge readers $4.99 (or more, who knows what the future brings) for 40 pages of dialogue and bickering three times a week for over a month and a half!
[Executive Editor and Senior Vice President of Publishing, Tom Brevoort, then interrupted Mr. Quesada]
Tom Brevoort: The most exciting part of Heroes vs. Price Points - besides the revolutionary story we haven’t figured out yet, but it will probably involve heroes fighting other heroes for reasons that won’t stand up to any form of logic – is the final issue where EVERYTHING CHANGES FOREVER!
Joe Quesada: Well said, Tom. Indeed Heroes vs. Price Points #20 will be the must read Marvel comic of the year…nay….millennium!
Mr. Quesada then opened the floor to questions. First up was Outhouse Junior Asian Correspondent, sdsichero: Why do you do this to me?
sdsichero: Why do you do this to me?
Joe Quesada: Excellent question, sds, the reason we are doing this to you is because we are the leaders of a dying hobby and we need all the sweet sweet moneys you and your fellow fanboys are willing to give us for less and less actual value. We read the internet and the one thing we’ve noticed is that there is absolutely no correlation between how many people say they will stop buying comics due to the price and how many actually stop buying comics.
Tom Brevoort: In other words; baaaa baaaa, you are all sheep ready to be sheared.
Next up is Bruisedknees McGee, from Comic Book Resources:
Bruisedknees McGee: Mhy mill miss me….
Joe Quesada: Bruisedknees, how many times have I told you, take it out of your mouth before you start reading the question I sent you.
Bruisedknees McGee: Sorry, sir. Can you tell us how Heroes vs. Price Points will rank amongst the greatest stories, not limited to comic books, of all time?
Tom Brevoort: I’ll take this one, Joe. Heroes vs. Price Points will make Moby Dick look like that one time President George W. Bush went fishing on TV. It will make Citizen Kane look like its Tiny Toons parody. It will become a New Testament of The Bible, after The Book Of Mormon. Heroes vs. Price Points is the acme of storytelling evolution that will never be surpassed.
Joe Quesada: Well, that is, until our second Summer 2015 event, 50 Shades Of (Young) Jean Grey, a thirty part epic across five universes, three formats, and an infinite number of spin-off limited series; more on that later.
WOW! I must say for The Outhouse ComiCon’s first panel, that was an unqualified success, and I for one cannot wait to choose comic books over feeding my child next summer when Heroes vs. Price Points begins.
HEROES VS. PRICE POINTS #1 - #20
??? (W) • WHO CARES? (A)
Cover by VARIOUS
CLASSIFIED (no idea)
12 PGS. (EACH)/Parental Advisory …$4.99+ (EACH)
Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook
Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
About the Author - GHERU
RU, or as he’s known in the writers’ room: the cute one, is relatively unappreciated in his time. RU’s YouTube show, RUviews is watched by literally multiple people every month and his Outhouse articles have helped line many a bird cage. Before you send RU a message, he knows that there are misspelled words in this article, and probably in this bio he was asked to write. RU wants everyone to know that after 25+ years of collecting he still loves comic books and can’t believe how seriously fanboys take them. RU lives in Akron Ohio (unfortunately) with WIFE, ‘lilRuRu, and the @DogGodThor. You can also find him on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, & even Google+ (if anyone still uses that).
More articles from GHERU