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Fanboy Wet Dream Come True, Finally A Way To Whack Off And Read Comics At The Same Time

Fanboy Wet Dream Come True, Finally A Way To Whack Off And Read Comics At The Same Time

Because you know that we know that you don’t have anyone to take care of that for you.



Source: Chinese hospitals introduce hands-free automatic sperm extractor

In news that makes me think that maybe Asia might have more than one kind of Asian, or at least more than just the one country of Japan, it was announced this past Tuesday that certain Chinese hospitals are “introducing a new machine which can extract sperm for donors.” What that quote doesn’t say is that this machine doesn’t need anyone around to operate it.

According to China’s Weibo social platform the automatic sperm extractors are being introduced in a Nanjing hospital, capital of Jiangsu province.

Heh, they’re called “automatic sperm extractors.”

Ok, enough jokes.

The pink, grey and white machine has a massage pipe at the front which apparently can be adjusted according to the height of its user.

Well, one assumes that if this product were to ever move into the American market they’d probably have to create one in which the patient can remain seated (because we be lazy) and / or adjust the height limit…because Asians are short.

What does this mean for you as a basement dwelling troll who’s never been alone in a room with a woman you are not blood-related to? Well, as with all technological advances there are sexual (and military) applications, namely the feeling that if you close your eyes and wear headphones, it might seem like there is someone else in the room with you. Unlike what I’ve been told about the flashlight, these “automatic sperm extractors” do not require the user to hold on to the contraption while it does you. In other words, someday soon there will be an “automatic sperm extractor” with a shelf on it for your Ipad (porn), Zenescope comics (porn), or legal Japanese underage cartoons (porn.)

[seriously disturbed sycophant fan-boy barges into writer’s room]

SDS: RU, we’re getting sick of you mocking comic book readers as sex obsessed virgins with no chance at a woman. Making fun of us for never having the opportunity to have sex is mean spirited and unnecessary. What gives you standing to make fun of the sexually frustrated?

RU: I’m married.

SDS: Ahh, say no more.

Oh, fuck me! There’s a video! These truly are wondrous times we live in.


 





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About the Author - GHERU


RU, or as he’s known in the writers’ room: the cute one, is relatively unappreciated in his time.  RU’s YouTube show, RUviews is watched by literally multiple people every month and his Outhouse articles have helped line many a bird cage.  Before you send RU a message, he knows that there are misspelled words in this article, and probably in this bio he was asked to write.  RU wants everyone to know that after 25+ years of collecting he still loves comic books and can’t believe how seriously fanboys take them.  RU lives in Akron Ohio (unfortunately) with WIFE, ‘lilRuRu, and the @DogGodThor.  You can also find him on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, & even Google+ (if anyone still uses that).

 


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