Last week, Nix Comics announced the line up for the September issue of Nix Comics Quarterly, a garage rock/horror comic that's been thrilling readers since 2011. Most Outhouse writers are ecstatic about the upcoming comic, and have been heaping praises on it months before its release. "There's at least one story in the comic that I'm sure people will mildly enjoy," said Outhouse Editor in Chief Christian Hoffer, who wrote a story illustrated by Derek Stewart in the upcoming issue. "And if you don't like it, then be prepared to have grotesque caricatures of you appear in future articles on the site."
Other Outhouse employees are also looking forward to reading Nix Comics Quarterly #7, and not just because Hoffer's threatening to fire anyone who doesn't buy and love the issue. "I am contractually obligated to enjoy this comic," said Outhouse webmaster Jude Terror, while blinking SOS in Morse code. "And I'm also contractually obligated to say positive things about it too."
"I'm excited to read the upcoming issue of Nix Comics Quarterly," added Chip Chipperson, a real person whose quotes aren't being made up at all. "I'm more excited to read it than I was for the birth of my first child. I'm sure people will look back at this comic as the dawn of a new era, just like we do on Action Comics #1 or Watchmen."
It's just not the news writers who want to read the comic. "We also all plan on reviewing this issue positively," said the Outhouse Review Team, who have never been fake quoted in an Outhouse article before.
The upcoming issue of Nix Comics Quarterly will also features stories by the likes of Ken Eppstein, Eric French, Bobby Wildermuth, Jess L’Heureux, Darren Merinuk, Matt Miner, Michael Neno, and Mark Rudolph, all of which are also going to be awesome. "I'm not going to say that Nix Comics Quarterly #7 is the best comic man's ever created," added Hoffer. "But after it gets published, I'm fairly certain it might kickstart the second coming of Christ."
"It's true!" said Jesus Christ, a longtime fan of Nix Comics. "I'm making my return to Earth just to read this issue of Nix Comics Quarterly. It's really that good!"
You can preorder Nix Comics Quarterly #7 here. Just remember, if you pre-order the comic, you won't randomly discover that you can no longer post on our forums.