In the wake of an announcement from popular big two publisher shill site Comic Book Resources that it will be conducting San Diego Comic Con interviews from aboard its 52 foot yacht again this year, satirical comic book website The Outhouse denied any and all claims that it plans to hijack the yacht during the biggest comic book convention of the year. Dressed in a red and white doublet and sporting a peg leg and eye patch, Ace Reporter Jude Terror told reporters that he was definitely not leading a crew of salty buccaneers that will sail up to CBR's yacht in the San Diego Marina, swing on board via ropes, and terrorize the denizens of the yacht while plundering its riches.
"I don't know where you heard that, matey, but it's not true," growled Terror as he pulled a dagger from his pocket and flung it at a picture of CBR Managing Editor Albert Ching that was taped to a nearby wall. "Tell me who told you these lies, ye scurvey bilge rat, and I'll send 'em to Davey Jones' locker!"
"Aaarrrrgggh," Terror added, punctuating his remarks in a totally not piratey way.
In addition to not seizing control of CBR's yacht and holding CBR Executive Producer and Stone Temple Pilots vocalist Jonah Weiland for ransom while forcing all other members of the ship's crew to walk the plank, The Outhouse will also send reporters Jeremy Shane and Angela Jones to the convention, where they will walk the convention floor like regular people and not fancy-pants, yacht-owning 1%ers while interviewing talent from companies which have not yet blacklisted us, so Dark Horse.
Jude Terror preparing for 2014 San Diego Comic Con coverage
"Those are our only plans," Terror insisted, though there were clearly several several recruits visible through the window of his office practicing sword fighting and cannon firing underneath a skull and crossbones flag.
"Those are his only plans, sqwaaawwwk," repeated a parrot perched on Terror's shoulder.
Remember to tune in to The Outhouse for better versions of the stories you'll read on CBR the weekend of July 24-27.
Dramatization of last year's San Diego Comic Con meeting between Jude Terror and Jonah Weiland