This coming Wednesday the comic book world will be rocked to its core as the long advertised and often referenced death of Archie hits the stand with the out of continuity Life Of Archie #36. Now, don’t go letting the fact that this is out of continuity, or the fact that Archie Comics apparently has continuity, diminish the importance of this historic death, as it is just a further reminder of our culture’s steep decline into barbarism and obscurity.
What, you think that’s too harsh? It’s not like Archie dies saving a puppy, a red blooded American baby, or even a scared debutant tied to a railroad track. No, Archie dies saving the lowest life form there is. From CBR:
Speaking with the AP News, Goldwater says Archie's death is the result of the character leaping to defend his friend Kevin Keller from an assassination attempt. Keller, Archie Comics' first openly gay character, is a married military veteran in both "Life With Archie" continuities, and a newly-elected senator who ran for office on the platform of gun control.
Fucking Hell, America, how much longer are we going to stand for this PC nonsense being shoved down our throats? Is there anyone left we are allowed to hate, mock, joke about without fear of editors, or even just straight up dislike anymore? This has gone too far.
Archie Andrews has been around in some form or another since 1941, and I think it's time that we take the character and story back to those bygone days where men were men, women were women, and heroes didn’t go around saving the lives of undesirables.
The mystery of Life Of Archie #36 isn’t “who shot Archie?” but “Why did Archie save the life of a senator??"
A senator, FFS!
EDIT - TO MAKE THE JOKE EVEN MORE OBVIOUS: I bet Archie Comics thinks that IRS employees, hobos, and gingers are people worth saving as well. Do you get it, twitter peeps? The joke is that I made you think I was talking about the gays, instead I pretend like I think its ok to kill a Senator.
EDIT 2 (for the NSA) – No, I do not think its ok to kill a Senator.
Luckily this poor excuse for a morally righteous comic series ends "one year later" with Life Of Archie #37 as we find out "how Riverdale [and] its residents have moved on -- or not -- in the wake of Archie's passing."