Bleeding Cool reported this morning on a rumored new Angela series starring the former Spawn character created by Neil Gaiman/current Guardian of the Galaxy and recently revealed sister of Thor. The series will be written by Kieron Gillen and Marguerite Bennett, with an artist to probably be revealed next week at SDCC.
While Bleeding Cool was busy cleaning out its horn for a future tooting session, the Outhouse did some real journalism and hacked Marvel's server for an EXCLUSIVE first look at what we believe to be Angela's new character design.
Gillen and Bennett's new series seems to have done away with the classic "metal strapless bikini that titillates 12 year old boys" look and replaced it with an outfit that an actual human being could wear. A practical leather jacket has replaced the metal tube top held up by magic, while a detachable cape has taken over for Angela's random 90's ribbon thingies. Angela's arm armor, bare stomach and thong covered by an oversized belt have also been replaced, because most superheroes probably shouldn't run around in outfits resembling sci-fi lingerie. While not pictured, we also believe Angela's impossibly form fitting knee high metal boots were replaced with Doc Martens.
"Marvel really wanted to move away from the whole angelic push-up bra of doom design," explained Keiron Gillen, a random stranger who just happens to share a very similar name to rumored series writer Kieron Gillen. "In a day an age where heroes like Ms. Marvel are inspiring young women everywhere, it's necessary to update Angela's design to make her more indicative of today's culture."
"Since Angela's current outfit was physically impossible, I'm glad Marvel decided to modernize her and give her an outfit that could have been assembled in any boutique or thrift store," added Margeurite Bennett, another random stranger that happens to share a similar name with a comic creator attached to the rumored Angela series. "I mean, who needs metal Asgardian angel bras when you have leather and practical boots."
When asked to comment on the two random strangers' quotes, Marvel Vice President of Pound Cake and Fedoras Tom Brevoort looked dejected and stormed out of the room, pulling his shirt closed tightly to hide the metal Asgardian angel bra he was preparing to show off to our reporter.
Here's what we hope is Angela's new design, as inexplicably drawn by Batgirl co-writer and cover artist Cameron Stewart: